I discovered something intereting a little while ago, and I thought I would
inflict, er, share it with you all. In my townhouse apartment, we don't
have carpeting, just linoleum. Any carpet you put down is usually remnants,
and cannot be permanently attached to the floor. I decided to steam clean
the carpet in my bedroom.
The Step-By-Step Saga
First things first, put weasels in cage. Move furniture. Ok, so far, so
good. Notice that there are "piles" in corners that were covered by heavy
furniture such as our queen sized bed and my oak rocker. Ok, remove the
piles and go look at the weasels and tell them they are "bad boys." Feel
sorry for their sad little faces and give them a treat. (I'm a sucker.)
Notice that carpet remnants in corners are sticking up about six inches off
the floor. Pull up corner of carpet to investigate. Stand there and stare
for five minutes at the biggest stash of "poopies" that has ever been
uncovered this side of an archeological dig. Gag. Clean up poopies. Go
get a beer and ponder how the h**l they got it under there like that.
Seriously, folks, it was amazing. Now, my house gets cluttered, but I'm not
expecting the board of health to pay me a negative visit any time soon. I
can have people over here and not be embarrased by the conditions. It's the
standard place of a working family with two teenagers, one 5 year old and
three ferrets. It's actually pretty clean (with the exception of my oven.
If I wait long enough, maybe diamonds will form and I will be rich.....). I
clean up "the boys" cute little "accidents" when I find them. Or "Ricky
Ricardo" finds them (with the accompanying shout "Cathy, the pharohs make
pish and s**t in the bathroom corner....!) That's why the carpet cleaning
expedition took place, because I was sure the little darlings weren't being
as good with the litter box as it appeared. My wildest dreams, however, did
not prepare me for the real truth.
The only way I can figure that they got the massive quantities of poopie
under the edges of the carpet corners was to work together as a team. You
know, one pulls the carpet back (that would be Snowball, he's the muscle of
the team) while the other (Pato, who is the brains of the business) gives
directions about where to stand to put the next deposit, etc. (Hubert is
declared innocent as this took place three days after he came, and if he was
"depositing" that much, he wouldn't be alive.....) Then, after dry, they
must come back and use something to push it further under and on top of
previous deposits so as to get the six inch height (all the while saying
"Momma will never notice." It boggles the mind. I couldn't have done it
with the vacuum because even when I moved the rocker (and the biggest
deposit was behind it.....) I vacuum TOWARDS the wall, not away from it.
That would have pushed it out, right? At least I would think so..... When I
called my 15 year old window-jumping son to show him (in retrospect I wish I
wouldn't have, but we were the only ones home at the time and I was amazed
and needed his muscular ability to move the furniture) he says "Momma,
that's disgusting. Did you shove it under there to hide it? I told you
them ferrets were whizzing on the carpet! I ain't cleaning it up, they're
your ferrets." (This is the same child who, upon returning from a weekends
visit with his father picks the boys up in his room and says, like talking
to his sister when she was a baby "Did you miss me? I missed you! Can I
have a kiss? Upon seeing me watching, of course, he quickly puts them down
and says "Momma, get these weasels out of my room, they stole my TuPac CD
and I can't find my beanie..........)
Any suggestions about how this engineering feat was accomplished by two
small weasels.
Happy New Year To You All
Catherine, Pato (now raise the carpet a little higher and put your rear
right there....), Snowball (this is heavy, can I put it down now. I gotta
go!) and Hubert (what are you guys doing? Momma gets mad when you go there.
The box is right here in the cage)
"Behind The Zion Curtain"
[Posted in FML issue 2169]
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