this is a window into a place few of us ever see..  locked in the mind of a
tiny fur child.. silent and suffering.. a place we pray our precious little
ones will never go.. with a terror we must try to heal.. that is the lot
of a shelter operator that finds a new little one has been shattered beyond
reason by things we cannot begin to imagine..  this is Casia...
 
It was three o'clock in the morning of the day Casia was brought to my
shelter..  I was shocked bolt upright in bed by the shrill screaming of a
ferret in terrible terror and pain.  I couldn't imagine what could have
gotten hold of one of my fuzzies in my warm safe home.  But something sure
had and it was doing terrible things to a ferret in my care.  I ran!  I
got to the caging area for new fuzzies to find a tiny little one viciously
fighting off something that simply was not there..  Wrenching open the
holding cage I reached for her only to be bitten repeatedly by a frantic
tiny sprite who was fighting with her eyes tightly closed.  She was
screaming and fighting for all she was worth.. but it was phantoms in her
nightmares she was so valiantly defending herself from..  Nothing would
wake her but just getting hold of her anyway I could and rocking and
holding her until she began to calm and finally her little eyes opened.  I
never want to see such dispair in a fuzzies eyes again.  There was no doubt
this was not a new experience for her.  And my heart sank at what must have
been inflicted on this tiny dark eyed white beauty to have given her such
hurt and terror in her little eyes at such a young age.
 
She would hide under a blanket and strike from its safety like a snake at
anything that moved, including me.  Other ferrets, a toy, a treat, nothing
was exempt from her furious defense of herself.  Day and night she had the
same nightmares ending in screams and battles with things that were no
longer there to threaten her.  She could not be in the dark, not even for a
few minutes.. or the terror began all over again.  So she began to have a
Lava light on by her enclosure day and night.  Even that did not stop the
shaking and the fear.  She burned off every calorie she ate in trembling
and crying.  She was thin and fragile and nothing seemed to put any weight
on her at all.
 
I did the only thing I knew..  carried her in a sling every hour I was
awake.  Talked to her and sang to her and fed her extra rich foods by hand
several times a day.  But she still shook, and even a nap caused such
terror she bit and cried and fought so her sleep brought no rest.
 
While on the internet one night I stumbled onto a web site that had a music
clip that I had heard about so with Casia peeking out of the sling I
decided to try it..  It was from a CD called Butterfly Kisses..  The music
started and Casia came right up out of that sling like a balloon let loose
at a carnival.  I played it again.. it was so short.. and she stopped
shaking and tipped her little head over to the side and listened with
incredible concentration..  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.. she
stopped the mewing sounds I was so accustomed to hearing from her and
became completely calm in my arms.  For the first time in weeks Casia was
at peace.
 
I never ordered anything so fast in my life!  It was sent by overnight mail
and when it arrived I immediately put it into the CD player and hit the
play button..  Casia came out of her little doze and sat up to listen..  I
have about worn that CD right out..  It's played many times each day for
her.. although it's not so necessary now..  It's a song about the
Butterfly Kisses that are the feeling of a little girls eyelashes on her
fathers cheek when he is holding her, and many other things as well.. but
it's a song of happy memories of a father about a little girl as she grows
up, written for her for her 16th birthday.  And somehow that song of love
by a father for a daughter brought peace and love to a tiny little fuzzy
for the very first time in her short life..
 
She still needs her night light, and she still needs her precious CD played
in the night over and over for her..  but she is now a chubby, sweet,
gentle little ferret..  She no longer fights and screams over memories so
terrible they nearly drove her sanity from her forever.
 
The day I could lay her in a dear friends arms and she lay there happy and
calm and then pulled herself up to give him tiny little Butterfly Kisses of
her own was the day I knew she was truly going to be all right..
 
dayna
 
and the woozles
[Posted in FML issue 2437]