From Sydney Omarr's Astrological Forescast for May 16, 1996:
 
Mommy:
"Aries: Project you thought was finished might just be getting started [now
that you've just finished repairing the living-room couch and cleaning up
all the damage from the other night, Bart will get loose and make an even
bigger artistic statement than before!].  Money involved, be aware and alert
[How in God's name can two tiny little beasts like this create so much
pandemonium?!!  -- Oh, Bart's sister helped, did she?  -- _How_ much did you
say it'll cost to get that repaired?!] Cancer native, once close to you,
makes dramatic return [Bart jimmies the cage door again, and both of the
little monsters make a B-line for Mommy's bedroom at 2 am, somehow get
through the _locked_ door, and crawl into bed with Mommy, whose big toe Bart
then bites _hard_].  Gourmet dining!  [Bart's sister, Lisa, who ate both her
litters (and tried to save part of one baby for later, laying it neatly in
her food-dish), gets loose from Mommy's room-mate's room and tries to make a
meal off her brother.  Jessie defends Bart, who cowers in a corner and wails
pitifully.  Lisa is coralled and put back in her cage, with admonishments.]"
 
Puggsley the cat:
"Gemini: Review, review, rebuilding, proofread, rewrite [so _that's_ what
all the REM-movement is about while he takes his latest 23-hour nap!  We
wondered .  .  .].  Mainly, imprint your own style, don't be persuaded to
"change for sake of convenience" ["Well, dammit, Mommy, the house-weasels
used _my_ potty-box, I'll be damned if I can't use _theirs_ -- and would you
widen their cage-door so I can get in there to use the head easier?!"].
Secret financial arrangement comes to light ["They eat _my_ food, _I_ eat
_theirs_!"] Revelation!  ["Hey, Yael -- guess where I just found that
Puggsley ralphed up his last two meals!  -- No, don't look under there, I'll
clean it up .  .  ."]."
 
Jessie, Bart, Lisa (weasels):
"Cancer: Those who counted you out are in for dramatic surprise [see notes,
above, about Lisa getting loose, etc].  You'll gain important allies [Jessie
defends Bart, see above], utilize powers of persuasion [Jessie persuades
Lisa not to munch on Bart by taking a Great Big Bite out of _her_], know
inwardly you are winner!  [Jessie's life-long ambition: The Keys to the Car.
She has never abandoned hope.] Read, write, disseminate information [Lisa
gives good case of ear-mites to other fuzzies]."
 
Mommy's roommate:
"Leo: Attention revolves around luxury items, art objects, music, courtship
[Bart gets into her room, trashes her jewelry-box, CD case, two posters not
yet put up on wall, tries to make love to stuffed animal on her bed, tries
ditto to Lisa, Lisa pounces on him, Bart has to be rescued, a merry time is
had by all].  Unique honor bestowed by community -- be gracious, not overly
modest [Bart and Jessie break into her room, and in the ensuing melee, it is
also discovered that Puggsley has been curled up, asleep, in her closet,
shedding all over everything, for several hours; in the meantime, Bart's
mother, Sari, also gets loose, starts huge fight with Jessie under
room-mate's bed].  Taurus individual insists on taking "loyalty oath" [Bart,
who is full of it, pleads undying love to both roommate and Mommy, all in
vain, back in cage for awhile, this time with door wired shut (again)]."
 
Mommy, rising-sign:
"Virgo: What was missing makes mysterious reappearance [we find yet another
three of the house-weasels' IRAs under couch, behind book-case, under bed,
this time chock full o' bean-bag chair pellets (so _that's_ where they
went!!), ferret-chow, kitty-kibble, socks, shoe-laces .  .  .].  Don't rule
out deception, deliberate or otherwise [_Was ist los_ "otherwise", hanh?!].
Protect self in emotional clinches [hey, I'll be happy to keep Bart from
biting my big toe again!].  Whispered sweet nothings are worth that --
nothing!  [In spite of contrite appearance, Bart promptly breaks wire on
cage door and is on the loose once more .  .  .]."
 
Enjoy, YRD
[Posted in FML issue 1572]