From Sydney Omarr's Astrological Forescast for May 16, 1996: Mommy: "Aries: Project you thought was finished might just be getting started [now that you've just finished repairing the living-room couch and cleaning up all the damage from the other night, Bart will get loose and make an even bigger artistic statement than before!]. Money involved, be aware and alert [How in God's name can two tiny little beasts like this create so much pandemonium?!! -- Oh, Bart's sister helped, did she? -- _How_ much did you say it'll cost to get that repaired?!] Cancer native, once close to you, makes dramatic return [Bart jimmies the cage door again, and both of the little monsters make a B-line for Mommy's bedroom at 2 am, somehow get through the _locked_ door, and crawl into bed with Mommy, whose big toe Bart then bites _hard_]. Gourmet dining! [Bart's sister, Lisa, who ate both her litters (and tried to save part of one baby for later, laying it neatly in her food-dish), gets loose from Mommy's room-mate's room and tries to make a meal off her brother. Jessie defends Bart, who cowers in a corner and wails pitifully. Lisa is coralled and put back in her cage, with admonishments.]" Puggsley the cat: "Gemini: Review, review, rebuilding, proofread, rewrite [so _that's_ what all the REM-movement is about while he takes his latest 23-hour nap! We wondered . . .]. Mainly, imprint your own style, don't be persuaded to "change for sake of convenience" ["Well, dammit, Mommy, the house-weasels used _my_ potty-box, I'll be damned if I can't use _theirs_ -- and would you widen their cage-door so I can get in there to use the head easier?!"]. Secret financial arrangement comes to light ["They eat _my_ food, _I_ eat _theirs_!"] Revelation! ["Hey, Yael -- guess where I just found that Puggsley ralphed up his last two meals! -- No, don't look under there, I'll clean it up . . ."]." Jessie, Bart, Lisa (weasels): "Cancer: Those who counted you out are in for dramatic surprise [see notes, above, about Lisa getting loose, etc]. You'll gain important allies [Jessie defends Bart, see above], utilize powers of persuasion [Jessie persuades Lisa not to munch on Bart by taking a Great Big Bite out of _her_], know inwardly you are winner! [Jessie's life-long ambition: The Keys to the Car. She has never abandoned hope.] Read, write, disseminate information [Lisa gives good case of ear-mites to other fuzzies]." Mommy's roommate: "Leo: Attention revolves around luxury items, art objects, music, courtship [Bart gets into her room, trashes her jewelry-box, CD case, two posters not yet put up on wall, tries to make love to stuffed animal on her bed, tries ditto to Lisa, Lisa pounces on him, Bart has to be rescued, a merry time is had by all]. Unique honor bestowed by community -- be gracious, not overly modest [Bart and Jessie break into her room, and in the ensuing melee, it is also discovered that Puggsley has been curled up, asleep, in her closet, shedding all over everything, for several hours; in the meantime, Bart's mother, Sari, also gets loose, starts huge fight with Jessie under room-mate's bed]. Taurus individual insists on taking "loyalty oath" [Bart, who is full of it, pleads undying love to both roommate and Mommy, all in vain, back in cage for awhile, this time with door wired shut (again)]." Mommy, rising-sign: "Virgo: What was missing makes mysterious reappearance [we find yet another three of the house-weasels' IRAs under couch, behind book-case, under bed, this time chock full o' bean-bag chair pellets (so _that's_ where they went!!), ferret-chow, kitty-kibble, socks, shoe-laces . . .]. Don't rule out deception, deliberate or otherwise [_Was ist los_ "otherwise", hanh?!]. Protect self in emotional clinches [hey, I'll be happy to keep Bart from biting my big toe again!]. Whispered sweet nothings are worth that -- nothing! [In spite of contrite appearance, Bart promptly breaks wire on cage door and is on the loose once more . . .]." Enjoy, YRD [Posted in FML issue 1572]