Ferret 101 Final Exam
 
1) A sable was dooking north at 5 KPH and an albino was bounding south at 8
KPH.  If they started out 7 meters from each other, at what point would the
northbound ferret met the southbound ferret?
 
A) Any corner, B) At the point just above the shoulders at the base of the
neck, C)  Never because ferrets don't travel straight lines, 4) Using the
formula X(n-3.4)/6y(4.5r-9.2z) where n>8, we find the meeting point at the
raisin pile.
 
2) Ferrets poop in corners because:
 
A) Evading the poopies makes humans slow when rescuing potted plants,
B) One word: decor, C) Mining the harbor instills a sense of security,
D) If women don't sweat, ferrets don't poop.
 
3) What is a baculum?
 
A) The name of the ferret's posture when backing into a corner, B) A thin
stick used to fend off females, C) A hook used for climbing cages, D) The
envy of Bill Gates and the entire CaCa Fish and Gestapo.
 
4) Your ferret is limp, lifeless, and non-responsive. What is wrong?
 
A) It was left in the room during "Xena" and died laughing, B) Get your
head out of the gutter, its not *that* ferret, C) It read one too many of
Bob C's posts, D) Its mimicing the typical cat.
 
5) Why are ferrets considered primary carnivores?
 
A) They eat raisins, B) They eat toes, C) They eat socks, D) They sneak into
CaCa Land, tip cows, and kill far more than they can eat.
 
6) Your ferret is missing. Where should you look?
 
A) The nearest potted plant, B) Under your overweight Grandmother, C)  On
the capitol steps in Sacramento, D) the very last place possible on God's
Green Earth.
 
7) Who is the CaCa Fish and Gestapo?
 
A) The reincarnation of Hitler's Brown Shirts, B) "C" average Liberal Art
majors who can't tell the difference between a brindled longtail weasel, a
white-chinned mink and a domesticated ferret but still insist on doing
ecological studys without going into the field, C) "Respected biologists"
who make up data to prove positions, omit "useless" data that disprove
positions, and cite undergraduate class papers as evidence becuase they
"know" they are right, D) the smear off the butt of life.
 
8) What is the ferret's worst nightmare?
 
A) A round room with no corners, B) The loss of the grape crop,
C) An uncut hob in full rut on a mission, D) What?  Ferrets worry?
 
9) What is the best way to train your ferret?
 
A) On old steam locomotives, B) By doing everything they want,
C) By recognizing everything they do as a cute trick, D) By giving them the
run of the house, all the treats they can pack into their tight little
belly, and by being well stocked up with nutrical and ferretone, no matter
what they do or when they do it.
 
10) What is dooking?
 
A) What the Earl does, B) What the King does, C) What Tyson no longer does,
D) The noise made by a ferret just before amputating your toe.
 
Happy Holidays,
 
Bob C and Elizabeth with 20 Rascally Furectos (word for ferret, ca. 1250s)
[Posted in FML issue 2162]