>From:    Moxie <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Please move your ferrets' graves
>I have five ferrets buried on a friend's property because I don't
>currently own any property.  My original intention was to temporarily
>bury them there and move them when I acquired a residence.  I am currently
>looking to purchase my first home.  I have the graves marked with flat
>pieces of slate.
 
I think your idea of burying your ferrets temporarily at your friends house
is a very kind thing.  But what REALLY disturbs me is these few lines...
 
>My friend has since remarrried and the new husband is on a power trip.
>My friend doesn't make any decisions on her own anymore.
 
It really sounds that your friend has found a man that is overbearing,
dominant and that she is a good candidate to be on the receiving end of
spousal abuse/control.  Perhaps not physical (yet) but that she "doesn't
make any decisions on her own anymore" is a very telling sign... and the
start of emotional abuse and control.  "Power trips" are rarely temporary
because they aren't "trips"... they are loooong ONE WAY trips; they are the
precursor to further control issues.  Soon, I predict, your friend will be
told how to dress, who she can associate with, when, and where.  She will
be held accountable for her time and he will begin to check her mileage IF
she is allowed out of his sight.
 
>Today I was told that he wants to move my grave markers... She even put a
>little wire fence around them >which since has been knocked down by the
>husband I believe...The husband says he will put a stake where the graves
>are.  What could I say?
 
Unfortunately, you cannot say much as it's now his property as well.  The
only way you'll be able to "say" anything is if your friend stands up to
this guy and speaks on your behalf.  Sadly, it seems that she cannot/will
not do that.  Your friend isn't selling you out, she is in the beginning
stages of being controlled.  This is his way of alienating you and your
friend.  He will do this over and over with her other friends as well
until she is isolated from her friends and then he'll really "put the
screws to her".
 
>I had the markers exactly where each ferret is buried.  I have a feeling
>he has already moved them.
 
I'm so sorry that he has desecrated the ground where your ferrets lie.  I,
too, would be upset and distraught and very angry.  I hope that you soon
find a home where they can be permanently put to rest... or maybe you can
just put them to rest in your heart and know that where they lie now is
their final resting place.
 
>I declined a party invitation because of this incident, and the day I
>remove my ferrets from there will be the last time I set foot on the
>property.
 
Please, don't alienate your friend.  I have a feeling she is REALLY going
to need you in the coming months and years.
 
>I want to tell him something when I leave to let him know exactly what
>type of crud he is.  Any ideas?
 
Yes, lots of them but BIG probably won't print it! :-P  Seriously though,
I wouldn't say anything to HIM.  That will be the exact reaction he is
looking for.  Then he'll turn to your friend and say, "See what a ($(*&$
she is??  I TOLD you (fill in the blank) and I don't EVER want you hanging
around her again..." And because she doesn't make her own decisions
anymore....
 
Just some food for thought and again, I am sorry that your ferrets final
resting place isn't so peaceful at this time.
 
Renee
 
Moxie and Chance
[Posted in FML issue 3045]