I've had some time to mull over the events during the last couple of
days regarding the World Travelers post by Kevin. I've been on this
list for a very long time and the number of times I have used someone's
name directly has been exceedingly small, and the number of times I
have actually pointed someone out can probably be counted on a single
hand. I suspect that is -- in part -- why some of my friends reacted
the way they did. My reaction was so unusual that it sparked others
into response.

I also think the atmosphere on the FML has lately degenerated into a
frenzy of bickering and tattling. It is far more than I am used to
seeing, and is a huge reason why my posts have become so infrequent. I
am not alone in that perception either. Kevin's post was forwarded to
me by 16 people who also misinterpreted it, and there were 33 afterward
(to date), including 6 that tried to explain why Kevin was so negative
(the Lori excuse). If I was wrong, as I have already admitted and
apologized for being so, at least I was in very good company.

But it begs the question, "Why would so many people misinterpret a post
so badly?" I think part is because we were "primed" by all the discord
about the DMK rescue, some of which was very unnecessary and rather
nasty. I also think Kevin's post was one of those rare few that could
be taken in different ways. The two disparate events combined into a
single erroneous perception. Still, I think there is yet another aspect
of this which should be addressed.

It is an apparent lack of respect by some people towards others. Just
simple human respect, the same as you would grant a stranger. It puts
us all on the defensive and makes us see negativity were none is
intentioned. Of course, I could give specific examples, but then I
would risk stirring the pot and making things worse, or accused of
unfairly airing perceived grievances. So, instead I will wag my finger
and give a list of ten things people can do to make life on the list
more pleasant for others. That way, everyone will hate me rather than
fighting more with each other.

1. Do not use the words, "I don't mean to [insert nice word for attack
here], but..." when that is exactly what you are doing. Do you think
we all feel better when those words preface an attack? I am sure that
if someone said, "I don't mean to punch you in the face, but..." right
before my teeth were relocated to my tonsils, it would make gumming
food so much better. New, well-done studies have shown verbal abuse
to be as emotionally painful and physically debilitating as physical
abuse, in some cases worse, so don't fool yourself into thinking the
sticks and stones adage is still considered valid. An attack is an
attack regardless if it is on the internet, in person, or with fists.
Violence -- even verbal -- is not an option.

2. The next time someone says, "Your argument is *only* a hypotheses,"
they have to be quiet and not post for the next seven days. First, the
phrase is extremely misleading and used in this way is disingenuous and
dishonest. Why? Because it implies the explanation being offered (the
hypothesis) is unproved or unsupported, while the counter argument
(also *just* a hypothesis) is well supported. It may be, it may not be,
but one thing is clear -- they are BOTH hypotheses, duh! Second, it has
about as much argumentative power as saying an explanation is "only an
explanation." This phrase is extremely condescending and disrespectful
on a host of levels, which I will be happy to explain in extreme and
exacting detail the next time it is uttered in my direction.

3. If you feel you have to choose between walking drunk on the top of
a spiked wrought iron fence and deciding if a subject is "beyond" the
understanding of the average FML reader, crack open the Jack Daniels
and practice your balancing act. In a fair debate, where both sides
are allowed equal time and personal attacks are forbade, even if the
average FML reader has a hard time following the vocabulary, they can
make a great choice -- their own. How many wars have been fought and
people have died to grant us ordinary stupid folk the right to decide
for ourselves? If you feel censorship is the only avenue left to
preserve your argument, then you have already lost and we are just
waiting for someone to mercifully cover you with the tarp.

4. Everyone has good ideas. Everyone! If you forget it, have it
tattooed on your forehead in reverse and start carrying a mirror. Most
of my good ideas have come from very homespun sources. Few have come
from a PhD. Wait! Now that I think of it, none have come from a PhD.
Never forget that every good idea had hundreds of the best trained
PhDs in the world screaming it was incorrect. The phenomenon is so
stereotyped that there is a Murphy's Law rule about it (I forget the
exact name and wording), which says, "The probability of a new idea
being correct is directly proportional to the number of PhDs saying it
is not." Just remember, PhDs know more and more about less and less
until they know quite a lot about very little.

5. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Save room for a second tattoo if
you forget. Anyone who expects perfection from the people around them
has already made a mistake and has no room to complain. When you make a
mistake, just apologize! My dad used to say that you need to apologize
in the same room you made the mistake, and that a person's character
and trustworthiness depended on it. If you make a mistake, admit it and
say you are sorry in the same venue the mistake was made. If the person
doesn't accept it and hates you for years, then you have empirical
evidence of their character. Refusing to apologize in the same venue is
also an indication of your inner character. Just remember, to err is
human; to moo, bovine.

6. Stop saying, "I don't understand why I was so misunderstood."
Violators have to test their bladder endurance by being on the wrong
side of the bathroom door for 10 minutes each time the phrase is
uttered. If you have been misunderstood, all it means is that you were
misunderstood. It is not a mystery folks. Misunderstandings happen
all the time for an infinite number of reasons. Just say you were
misunderstood, explain what you meant, and move on. I have a lot of
practice with this: I am misunderstood all the time -- usually by
women -- and it is always my fault.

7. If someone verbally attacks you, ignore it. If you are a Christian,
it is the right thing to do. If you are not, then it is good karma. If
you are a soulless atheist, then it makes you look really, really good.
Besides, it makes the attackers look really, really bad. There are no
losers here, folks.

8. Leave ferret politics off the FML; no one cares except you and
your cult. You are welcome to exist in whatever insignificant,
self-important clique you want, just leave it off the list where the
rest of us want to be inclusive, rather than exclusive. Keep in mind
that "poly" means many, and "ticks" are small, bloodsucking parasites.

9. Stop with the fear-mongering about new ideas! How can you identify
a fear-monger? First, they do all they can to suppress the discussion
of new ideas. Second, they constantly bring up nasty consequences to
introduce risk into the new idea, even though no evidence suggests the
risk is real or applicable to the idea. Finally, they work to brand the
person with the new idea as being incapable of formulating a good idea,
usually by quoting supportive experts. The method eliminates facts and
promotes fears at the expense of the truth. Thomas Jefferson said it
best, "Fear can only prevail when victims are ignorant of the facts."
The sad part is, everything evolves or goes extinct. If we want to give
our ferrets the best life possible, we *MUST* be open to new ideas and
techniques. That means we must be willing to accept some risks, but are
those risks worse than the risks of disease from not making a change?
Risk is part of life and pathological fearfulness cannot change that
rule.

10. Never forget that everyone on the FML is here because they have an
inexplicable love for a little creature that can sleep with their head
on their butt, thinks corners are designed for their butt, regularly
licks their butt, violates all newcomers by poking their nose into
their butt, and marks its territory by dragging their butt. It is the
single commonality that binds us together. So, if you think someone
else is stupid or worse, try to keep in mind that they have the same
love for and desire to help ferrets as you do. Perhaps more. If you
can't remember that, perhaps you should trade in your ferret for a pet
rock, because if you can't respect the people who want the same thing
as you, how on earth can you respect a little ferret?

Bob C [log in to unmask]

[Posted in FML 5988]