I've had some time to mull over the events during the last couple of days regarding the World Travelers post by Kevin. I've been on this list for a very long time and the number of times I have used someone's name directly has been exceedingly small, and the number of times I have actually pointed someone out can probably be counted on a single hand. I suspect that is -- in part -- why some of my friends reacted the way they did. My reaction was so unusual that it sparked others into response. I also think the atmosphere on the FML has lately degenerated into a frenzy of bickering and tattling. It is far more than I am used to seeing, and is a huge reason why my posts have become so infrequent. I am not alone in that perception either. Kevin's post was forwarded to me by 16 people who also misinterpreted it, and there were 33 afterward (to date), including 6 that tried to explain why Kevin was so negative (the Lori excuse). If I was wrong, as I have already admitted and apologized for being so, at least I was in very good company. But it begs the question, "Why would so many people misinterpret a post so badly?" I think part is because we were "primed" by all the discord about the DMK rescue, some of which was very unnecessary and rather nasty. I also think Kevin's post was one of those rare few that could be taken in different ways. The two disparate events combined into a single erroneous perception. Still, I think there is yet another aspect of this which should be addressed. It is an apparent lack of respect by some people towards others. Just simple human respect, the same as you would grant a stranger. It puts us all on the defensive and makes us see negativity were none is intentioned. Of course, I could give specific examples, but then I would risk stirring the pot and making things worse, or accused of unfairly airing perceived grievances. So, instead I will wag my finger and give a list of ten things people can do to make life on the list more pleasant for others. That way, everyone will hate me rather than fighting more with each other. 1. Do not use the words, "I don't mean to [insert nice word for attack here], but..." when that is exactly what you are doing. Do you think we all feel better when those words preface an attack? I am sure that if someone said, "I don't mean to punch you in the face, but..." right before my teeth were relocated to my tonsils, it would make gumming food so much better. New, well-done studies have shown verbal abuse to be as emotionally painful and physically debilitating as physical abuse, in some cases worse, so don't fool yourself into thinking the sticks and stones adage is still considered valid. An attack is an attack regardless if it is on the internet, in person, or with fists. Violence -- even verbal -- is not an option. 2. The next time someone says, "Your argument is *only* a hypotheses," they have to be quiet and not post for the next seven days. First, the phrase is extremely misleading and used in this way is disingenuous and dishonest. Why? Because it implies the explanation being offered (the hypothesis) is unproved or unsupported, while the counter argument (also *just* a hypothesis) is well supported. It may be, it may not be, but one thing is clear -- they are BOTH hypotheses, duh! Second, it has about as much argumentative power as saying an explanation is "only an explanation." This phrase is extremely condescending and disrespectful on a host of levels, which I will be happy to explain in extreme and exacting detail the next time it is uttered in my direction. 3. If you feel you have to choose between walking drunk on the top of a spiked wrought iron fence and deciding if a subject is "beyond" the understanding of the average FML reader, crack open the Jack Daniels and practice your balancing act. In a fair debate, where both sides are allowed equal time and personal attacks are forbade, even if the average FML reader has a hard time following the vocabulary, they can make a great choice -- their own. How many wars have been fought and people have died to grant us ordinary stupid folk the right to decide for ourselves? If you feel censorship is the only avenue left to preserve your argument, then you have already lost and we are just waiting for someone to mercifully cover you with the tarp. 4. Everyone has good ideas. Everyone! If you forget it, have it tattooed on your forehead in reverse and start carrying a mirror. Most of my good ideas have come from very homespun sources. Few have come from a PhD. Wait! Now that I think of it, none have come from a PhD. Never forget that every good idea had hundreds of the best trained PhDs in the world screaming it was incorrect. The phenomenon is so stereotyped that there is a Murphy's Law rule about it (I forget the exact name and wording), which says, "The probability of a new idea being correct is directly proportional to the number of PhDs saying it is not." Just remember, PhDs know more and more about less and less until they know quite a lot about very little. 5. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Save room for a second tattoo if you forget. Anyone who expects perfection from the people around them has already made a mistake and has no room to complain. When you make a mistake, just apologize! My dad used to say that you need to apologize in the same room you made the mistake, and that a person's character and trustworthiness depended on it. If you make a mistake, admit it and say you are sorry in the same venue the mistake was made. If the person doesn't accept it and hates you for years, then you have empirical evidence of their character. Refusing to apologize in the same venue is also an indication of your inner character. Just remember, to err is human; to moo, bovine. 6. Stop saying, "I don't understand why I was so misunderstood." Violators have to test their bladder endurance by being on the wrong side of the bathroom door for 10 minutes each time the phrase is uttered. If you have been misunderstood, all it means is that you were misunderstood. It is not a mystery folks. Misunderstandings happen all the time for an infinite number of reasons. Just say you were misunderstood, explain what you meant, and move on. I have a lot of practice with this: I am misunderstood all the time -- usually by women -- and it is always my fault. 7. If someone verbally attacks you, ignore it. If you are a Christian, it is the right thing to do. If you are not, then it is good karma. If you are a soulless atheist, then it makes you look really, really good. Besides, it makes the attackers look really, really bad. There are no losers here, folks. 8. Leave ferret politics off the FML; no one cares except you and your cult. You are welcome to exist in whatever insignificant, self-important clique you want, just leave it off the list where the rest of us want to be inclusive, rather than exclusive. Keep in mind that "poly" means many, and "ticks" are small, bloodsucking parasites. 9. Stop with the fear-mongering about new ideas! How can you identify a fear-monger? First, they do all they can to suppress the discussion of new ideas. Second, they constantly bring up nasty consequences to introduce risk into the new idea, even though no evidence suggests the risk is real or applicable to the idea. Finally, they work to brand the person with the new idea as being incapable of formulating a good idea, usually by quoting supportive experts. The method eliminates facts and promotes fears at the expense of the truth. Thomas Jefferson said it best, "Fear can only prevail when victims are ignorant of the facts." The sad part is, everything evolves or goes extinct. If we want to give our ferrets the best life possible, we *MUST* be open to new ideas and techniques. That means we must be willing to accept some risks, but are those risks worse than the risks of disease from not making a change? Risk is part of life and pathological fearfulness cannot change that rule. 10. Never forget that everyone on the FML is here because they have an inexplicable love for a little creature that can sleep with their head on their butt, thinks corners are designed for their butt, regularly licks their butt, violates all newcomers by poking their nose into their butt, and marks its territory by dragging their butt. It is the single commonality that binds us together. So, if you think someone else is stupid or worse, try to keep in mind that they have the same love for and desire to help ferrets as you do. Perhaps more. If you can't remember that, perhaps you should trade in your ferret for a pet rock, because if you can't respect the people who want the same thing as you, how on earth can you respect a little ferret? Bob C [log in to unmask] [Posted in FML 5988]