Hi FMLers.  This is Elizabeth, daughter of Wiseacher Bob, writing again.  I
just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the nice email about my
recent tattling on dad.  These last two got so much mail that I cant answer
them all, so dad suggested I say it only once to everyone at the same time.
So here it is (I hope it is ok)
 
THANKS!!
 
Alot of you want me to write more stories about dad, and one person thought
I should write a book about dad and his ferrets because they are so funny.
Thank you, but the trouble is dad isn't always funny.  Sometimes I have to
wait a long time before something silly happens.  Ok, maybe not a really
long time, but I do have to wait for him to be silly.
 
Dad is still at the hotel writing, but he is calling me more now.  He was
only supposed to call once a night, but he called three times today.  I
think he is going crazy from writing stuff.  Actually, I already think he is
crazy, but that is a story to tell at the FML thingie next year.  Dad said I
could go with him to Florida to meet all of you, even though he thought it
was dangerous for his reputation.  I told him to be nice or I would bring
along the notorious "Stella Tape."
 
I've decided to go to MU next year (we will be an entire family of MU
graduates!) and run for the school, so I will have my own account in the
fall.  I will live in the dorms so dad can't see all my boyfriends and
threaten them anymore.  I think I will miss having all the ferrets around,
and I will also miss reading the FML with dad.  You are all so funny!
 
Anyway, I'm not really a member of the FML, but dad said it would be ok for
me to say a few things about some of the posts I read.  The sad posts about
ferrets make me cry, but sometimes people aren't as lucky as me.  If I have
a problem, dad is always there to hold my hand, even if I caused it.  Dad
says the FML is like an electronic family, with all its squabbles and
dislikes, and I think he is right.  So it is natural for people to reach out
to thier family for help.  I like the idea that people can talk about sad
things on the FML.
 
A lady asked if I was real.  Duh.  You can read about me in the Missouri
newspapers in track season.  I'm the cute one winning.  Boy, will dad tease
me for that!  Andrew is by brother, as are Glorida and Joshua.  Dad adopted
two of us and you can guess who because we don't care.  Andrew is the
youngest, and is a junior in high school, and I am a senior.  Gloria and
Josh are in college.  As for what happened to mom and dad, you should mind
your own business.  I don't mean to be impolite, but that is pretty
personal.  That is all I will say to rude questions.
 
I need to tell Bob Rudich that dad formated his funny devil post to make it
look like a newspaper story, then printed it out on newsprint, turned it
over and printed out a bogus ad for ferret toothpaste that tastes like the
butts of California fish and game agents, then clipped it out like a
newspaper clipping.  He stuck it to his file cabinet next to some of his
favorite clippings, like the bat boy, the devil coming out of the ground,
and the old picture of Elvis.  I read it and it is really funny.  Anyway, I
don't know which of the two of you have too much time on your hands.  Dad
once used photoshop to put his head on the body of some guy wearing a spece
suit and carrying some girl out of a space ship.  He calls the picture, "The
Day the Bob Stood Still," but I don't get the joke.  Lately he has been
photoshoping ferret heads on politician's bodys, then puting those cartoon
balloons over the heads to say funny things.  The funniest one is a picture
of Bill Clinton next to Hillary that dad took when he was a photographer.
Dad replaced Hillarys head with Stella's head, and the cartoon balloon over
Bill's head says, "Lets dook it out." Anyway, I thought it was funny.
 
Thanks again for all the letters.
 
Elzabeth (Dad's real daughter)
[Posted in FML issue 1901]