>From all of my kissey-licker ferrets to you all,
 
Right on, Troy Lynn Eckert, concerning the need to find out why a ferret
bites.  I currently have an albino female who is blind.  When she first came
into the shelter, she got me a few times before I realized that she couldn't
see.  Now that I know that I make sure she gets my scent first before
touching her.  She's also on the LUMPS (a home-made soup I make for all the
ferts) and is turning into a delightful little gal.
 
For what it's worth, I should like to tell of a program we've put into
practice here at Ferrets NorthWest FNW that completely eliminates the
motive(s) for the ferret to bite.
 
Starting with the kits, even when their eyes are still closed, we start them
on the LUMPS.  Mom too.  At this stage they're still nursing - sucking,as it
is.  It appears that if you can transition the kit from the sucking reflex
to the licking-sucking reflex over a short period of time, they really never
go through a biting (human skin) stage.  They must be kept absolutely fully
fed, however, such that their little bellies are bulging.
 
To actually feed LUMPS to the new ferret for the first time, I use my index
finger.  I dip my finger into the LUMPS and bring it up to the ferrets
nose/muzzle to let him scent it first.  Most often, they will start licking
the soup-smeared finger.  I let them do this for 2 or 3 licks, and then
quickly dip my finger in the LUMPS bowl for a second go-round, each time
making the kit come just a step or two closer to thetuna fish can filled
with LUMPS.  I don't permit them to lick all the LUMPS off my finger,
because that can lead to the ferret grabing my finger in its "needles," aka,
the bite.  Instead always I withdraw my finger and dip it into the fresh,
warm LUMPS, then offer it repeatedly.
 
Within 3 to 5 repititions of this finger licking the fert has its nose just
about into the can of soup, still licking my finger.  Then slowly I draw my
finger away from the fert's nose toward the opposite side of the can, and
wahlah!  the fert is licking the soup at the junction of the miniscus and
the inside wall of the can.  Now I've got him.  He's a licker forever after.
 
Be aware that the kit's teeth are growing and their teeth/gums need the
exercise of biting, tearing and crunching solid food.  To achieve the
satisfaction of this need, I get the doggie rawhide (shaped like a dog
bone), I soak it in slightly salted water for a few days until it softens
enough so that I can take it all apart.  Then with a strong pair of tin
snips (scissors work too, but it's awfully hard on your fingers) I cut the
rawhide into 1-inch strips about 6 inches long.  I then cut this strip in
half almost all the way, leaving the far end of about an inch uncut.  So I
wind up with one strip, cut almost into two long pieces.  This I give to the
ferts and stand back to watch the fun.  Two or more ferts will bite into the
one, two-legged piece of soaked soft rawhide and do they do battle.  I'm
telling you it's like a little war in their cage.  They bark and squeal as
they try to keep this piece of rawhide all to themselves.  Sharing is not in
their genes, let me tell you.  Finally, after a while when they settle down,
they are chewing and chewing and chewing; boy, that must feel good on their
teeth and gums.  All is quiet on the Western Front after that.  Real
Frettchenvergnuegen.
 
Also to satisfy their chewing needs, they get whole chicken legs/thighs/backs
to munch on.  They really do enjoy that cooked chicken, and it's cheap.  I
buy it in 10 lb bags at 49 cents a pound when it's on sale.  I cook it in a
forced hot air oven and collect the fat and juice that drips into the
collector bowl.  I then bottle this fluid before it cools, and later it goes
into the freezer for addition into the LUMPS the next day, along with
yesterday's leftovers.
 
In summary, let me say that in a healthy fert, no deafness or blindness, a
supplementary soup diet is just about the best thing you could possibly feed
a fert.  And it's cheap, can make it almost entirely out of human food (meat
comes from the local butcher's electric meat saw collector tray - it's free
too) including vegetables and fruits and grains (cooked oatmeal), and the
three additives of brewers powdered yeast, fresh garlic, and fresh onion,
does wonders in repelling fleas.
 
By making this LUMPS, I don't have the expense of that costly pet store
ferret food.  When I read of people paying such hight prices for that
Totally Ferret food, I have to shake my head in bewilderment.  When you've
got 36 ferts on your hands day in and day out, you somehow come up with a
better way.  At least, I think it's a better way.
 
Another neat thing that has come about with this daily feeding of warm
LUMPS, is the learning process in the fert.  Every time the fert starts
licking, I sound a goose horn right beside his cage, so that in a short time
the fert is conditioned to the sound of the squak of the goose.  The sound
of that squak really brings them up on point, so to speak, for they know
what that squak means: hot LUMPS!  I do this just in case one of them gets
outside the house into the woods and I have to go hunting him down.  Just
the sound of that goose horn outside at the end of day when that little guys
tummy is empty, well it's like a fert magnet.  They come a'runnin.  As the
ferts are adopted I show the new owner this procedure in the ferretarium and
suggest that he too continue with this fert training, just in case his new
fert gets lost.  Hey, it works!
 
By the way, since feeding my guys and gals the LUMPS, never, never have I
had one case of epizootic catarrahl enteritis, the so-alled green slime
feces.  And I get incoming ferts all the time, some in lousy shape.
What'daya make of that, Hummm?
 
I'm hooked on LUMPS - it's worked for me.
 
Oh I almost forgot:  LUMPS = Lipinski's Ultimate Mustelid Porridge
Soup.(for health)
 
Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski,
der Frettchen Meister von Mercer Inselreich,
Der Staat Washingon,
Die Vereinigten Staaten von Nordamerika
[Posted in FML issue 2051]