Well, goodness, where to begin...
I was peacefully unpacking the groceries, looking forward to a quiet evening
of folding laundry, paying bills, and cooking up a mess o' collard greens
for supper, when the phone rang. It was him... "Missouri" Bob Church,
arriven in li'l ol' Tucson, and done picking at bones for the day. Of
course, I abandoned my grocery bags on the kitchen floor and arranged to
meet this fellow science-person at my favorite local Mexican-Indian place,
La Indita. I knew him only from the fml, but looked forward to meeting him
in the flesh. We wolfed down O'otam fry-bread tacos con chile rojo and a
couple of Pacificos and got acquainted up close and personal. While his
scientific background was wonderful, and we knew lots of science-folks in
common, I began to be a bit nervous at the way he kept surreptitiously
eyeing my toes, which were on display in my Birkenstocks, but I tried to
quell my early fears and be polite.
We chatted about the merits of chirking (my word) versus dooking, and "joy
dancing" being a better description than "war dancing", and swapped lots of
good ferret stories. I really liked the story about him wearing socks and
gloves to bed... use your imagination... Since he was undergoing serious fml
withdrawal symptoms (seeing little pink ferts with purple dots, shaking,
jumping at high-pitched noises) he finally bit my finger and dragged me to
my office where he could get an on-line fix.
We had to stop at my place to get my office keys, and I really became
alarmed at the way he kept shoving books around and trying to back up into
the corners of my "library" room. I quickly grabbed my office keys and we
took off for the university.
He attended to his e-mail, chirking happily the entire time, and then we
returned to my place to pick up his car. We went inside for a few minutes,
and, while chatting, I began folding the huge stack of clean laundry. Then
I suddenly became aware that he had stiffened up, was quivering all over,
and staring at... my pile of clean socks. "Sooooo" he yelped "you 'tie'
your socks rather than folding them or stuffing them". He then embarked on
a 5-minute monologue about the way different humans arrange their socks, all
the while edging closer to the laundry basket. I began sweating nervously,
and looking for a place to run with the basket, but he had the front door
blocked. He diverted me by asking about using the phone, and I foolishly
left him alone in the room (silly me) while I went to retrieve a phone
number for him. He made his call, we said our goodbyes, and he drove off to
Gary Holowicki's in Phoenix. And then.... and then.... I noticed.... Bob
had socked it to me... *all* my socks were missing!!!!
Cowabunga! I began checking all the usual spots, and did manage to locate
a rubber ball and two socks under the couch, two empty grocery bags and one
slightly chewed sock behind the stove. But *BOB STOLD ALL MY SOCKS!!!*
Stop him before he steals again! Check his car! Investigate his suitcase!
Somewhere he must have an incredible stash of socks from all of the poor
fools he conned into letting him "visit" on his crime spree across the
country. He's actually apparently trying to amass the world's largest
stolen sock collection!!!
*Be warned, if he comes your way* protect your socks at all costs. Not to
mention your toes, your corners, and your e-mail connection. I think he's
actually an FLO operative in disguise. I WANT MY SOCKS BACK!!!
Sincerely, (well, sorta) ;->
JodyLee
JodyLee Estrada Duek [log in to unmask]
Faculty Development Specialist 520/626-2203
Division of Academic Resources 520/626-6707
U. of Arizona School of Medicine 520/626-4879 (fax)
1501 N. Campbell Avenue
Tucson, Arizona 85724-5120
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @
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[Posted in FML issue 1571]
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