Well, goodness, where to begin... I was peacefully unpacking the groceries, looking forward to a quiet evening of folding laundry, paying bills, and cooking up a mess o' collard greens for supper, when the phone rang. It was him... "Missouri" Bob Church, arriven in li'l ol' Tucson, and done picking at bones for the day. Of course, I abandoned my grocery bags on the kitchen floor and arranged to meet this fellow science-person at my favorite local Mexican-Indian place, La Indita. I knew him only from the fml, but looked forward to meeting him in the flesh. We wolfed down O'otam fry-bread tacos con chile rojo and a couple of Pacificos and got acquainted up close and personal. While his scientific background was wonderful, and we knew lots of science-folks in common, I began to be a bit nervous at the way he kept surreptitiously eyeing my toes, which were on display in my Birkenstocks, but I tried to quell my early fears and be polite. We chatted about the merits of chirking (my word) versus dooking, and "joy dancing" being a better description than "war dancing", and swapped lots of good ferret stories. I really liked the story about him wearing socks and gloves to bed... use your imagination... Since he was undergoing serious fml withdrawal symptoms (seeing little pink ferts with purple dots, shaking, jumping at high-pitched noises) he finally bit my finger and dragged me to my office where he could get an on-line fix. We had to stop at my place to get my office keys, and I really became alarmed at the way he kept shoving books around and trying to back up into the corners of my "library" room. I quickly grabbed my office keys and we took off for the university. He attended to his e-mail, chirking happily the entire time, and then we returned to my place to pick up his car. We went inside for a few minutes, and, while chatting, I began folding the huge stack of clean laundry. Then I suddenly became aware that he had stiffened up, was quivering all over, and staring at... my pile of clean socks. "Sooooo" he yelped "you 'tie' your socks rather than folding them or stuffing them". He then embarked on a 5-minute monologue about the way different humans arrange their socks, all the while edging closer to the laundry basket. I began sweating nervously, and looking for a place to run with the basket, but he had the front door blocked. He diverted me by asking about using the phone, and I foolishly left him alone in the room (silly me) while I went to retrieve a phone number for him. He made his call, we said our goodbyes, and he drove off to Gary Holowicki's in Phoenix. And then.... and then.... I noticed.... Bob had socked it to me... *all* my socks were missing!!!! Cowabunga! I began checking all the usual spots, and did manage to locate a rubber ball and two socks under the couch, two empty grocery bags and one slightly chewed sock behind the stove. But *BOB STOLD ALL MY SOCKS!!!* Stop him before he steals again! Check his car! Investigate his suitcase! Somewhere he must have an incredible stash of socks from all of the poor fools he conned into letting him "visit" on his crime spree across the country. He's actually apparently trying to amass the world's largest stolen sock collection!!! *Be warned, if he comes your way* protect your socks at all costs. Not to mention your toes, your corners, and your e-mail connection. I think he's actually an FLO operative in disguise. I WANT MY SOCKS BACK!!! Sincerely, (well, sorta) ;-> JodyLee JodyLee Estrada Duek [log in to unmask] Faculty Development Specialist 520/626-2203 Division of Academic Resources 520/626-6707 U. of Arizona School of Medicine 520/626-4879 (fax) 1501 N. Campbell Avenue Tucson, Arizona 85724-5120 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/\|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Posted in FML issue 1571]