I too was suffering terribly from an accident on Mother's Day.  My very
special Eddie was killed.....by me!  I had all my fuzzies out (all 10 of
them).  When I let Eddie out, I snatched him up and started kissing him and
tickling him, (as I did so many times before, he was irresistible) I said
in his ear "do you know how much I love you?  don't tell the others but
you're my favorite." Then I let him go and watched him war dance away.  I
was cleaning the litter pan when I heard one of my females screaming.  She
was under the couch which lays flush again the carpet.  I just recently
removed the liner so I could get to them in case of an emergency.  I lifted
up the couch, swooped Powder, who had Tiki by the top of the head out from
under the couch.  I looked to make sure the "coast was clear" and started
to lower the couch.  Just before I got it set down, Powder jetted back
under.  Being afraid I would accidentally set the couch on him, I lifted it
back up briefly, swooping him out again and dropped the couch quickly so he
couldn't get back under.  This time I didn't look.  In that split second,
my Eddie was on the other end of the couch and had started to go under.  I
dropped the couch on him, crushing him.  I gave him mouth to mouth for
about 15 minutes until my husband made me stop.  I knew he was gone but I
just didn't want to believe it.  The guilt was overwhelming.  The what if's
drove me mad.  All of my ferret-friends helped me through.  I know it was
an accident and eventually you too will come to cope with your loss.  No
one wants to put their fuzzies to sleep if there is a chance for survival.
But there is no full proof way of knowing when that time is, it's just a
gut feeling I think.  You did what you knew (at the time) to do.  You know
you would never do anything to hurt your fuzzy.  You will be o.k.
[Posted in FML issue 2747]