I too was suffering terribly from an accident on Mother's Day. My very special Eddie was killed.....by me! I had all my fuzzies out (all 10 of them). When I let Eddie out, I snatched him up and started kissing him and tickling him, (as I did so many times before, he was irresistible) I said in his ear "do you know how much I love you? don't tell the others but you're my favorite." Then I let him go and watched him war dance away. I was cleaning the litter pan when I heard one of my females screaming. She was under the couch which lays flush again the carpet. I just recently removed the liner so I could get to them in case of an emergency. I lifted up the couch, swooped Powder, who had Tiki by the top of the head out from under the couch. I looked to make sure the "coast was clear" and started to lower the couch. Just before I got it set down, Powder jetted back under. Being afraid I would accidentally set the couch on him, I lifted it back up briefly, swooping him out again and dropped the couch quickly so he couldn't get back under. This time I didn't look. In that split second, my Eddie was on the other end of the couch and had started to go under. I dropped the couch on him, crushing him. I gave him mouth to mouth for about 15 minutes until my husband made me stop. I knew he was gone but I just didn't want to believe it. The guilt was overwhelming. The what if's drove me mad. All of my ferret-friends helped me through. I know it was an accident and eventually you too will come to cope with your loss. No one wants to put their fuzzies to sleep if there is a chance for survival. But there is no full proof way of knowing when that time is, it's just a gut feeling I think. You did what you knew (at the time) to do. You know you would never do anything to hurt your fuzzy. You will be o.k. [Posted in FML issue 2747]