Karen E. Marsh-Lovvorn
  Executive Education
  Fuqua School of Business
  Duke University
  Durham, NC 27708
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Dear Hazel:
 
I'm a border collie named Jake, and when Mom read your post about how the
fuzzy little monsters were giving you such a hard time I just knew I had
to write back and tell you I know how you feel!
 
I'm not an only dog (I have to share this computer with 2 cats, 4 ferrets,
that bunny-thing (as if it was even smart enough to write - SNIFF!), & the
Humans so I'll try to make this quick!
 
I know just what you're going through with the little fuzzballs!  THOSE
things make me crazy!!!  Aaarooooo!!!  They're enough to drive a dog to
distraction!  When Mom & Dad come home they pile out of the bedroom like a
furry tidal wave, making those terrifyingly unnatural dooky-chuckly noises
& sounding like a pack of hyenas.  I just KNOW Mom & Dad don't want THOSE
things running rampant, so I try really, really hard to herd them all back
into the bedroom.  But when they all come boiling out of the door towards
me - YIKES!!!  STAMPEDE!!!  Just about the time I get a couple of them
going in the right direction - BOING!  Another one leaps up & grabs my tail
(or leg or foot) & when I jump back & try to get that one in line, the
little booger dashes under the t.v.  & all the rest get away so I have to
start ALL OVER AGAIN!!!  But, I'm a loyal shepard dog with an important job
to do (almost as important as barking at bad guys & keeping Mom's feet
warm), so I just keep trying.  Sometimes I manage to get a couple of them
back in their room, but usually I end up so tired & frustrated that I just
want to lie down & take a nap.
 
But they won't give me a moment's peace!!!  They climb all over me, bite my
tail, ears, toes, & collar.  When I get up to give them a piece of my mind
(bark, bark!) they run under the couch, so I sit there, whining & pleading
with them to try to understand my point of view (they don't!)
 
Hazel, I'm just a poor, hard-working doggie trying to what I do best
(sleeping & protecting my family), & I just get no respect!  Maybe you and
I should find a tropical island somewhere (with no ferrets!) and take a
vacation.  We could take long walks, romp in the waves, play frisbee &
discuss the philosophy of ferrets & dogs.  Who knows.  .  .maybe we'll even
write a book about it - "Of Border Collies & Ferrets", make a million
dollars & retire famous - just like that ol' White House hound, Mille.
 
                        Woof,
 
                        Jake
[Posted in FML issue 1239]