I just want to apologize in advance for the length of this post.  But I
feel the need to share all of this, and to get some things out.  It
contains alot of emotion and may be too much for some, so we understand if
you need to skip it.
 
We have gotten so many sympathy letters, and so many people assuring us
that we are only human, and forgivable for this terrible occurrance.  In my
horror, and grief and tremendous guilt, I worried that the FML community
would condemn us for making the mistake of not being careful enough, and
Quinn paying the price for it.  But you all have been so wonderful, we're
beginning to believe we can become better caregivers to Dessie and his new
friend, Chumba.
 
The emails poured in, and they helped so much, but I found myself unable to
answer them the first day.  In fact I dreaded it, because I didn't have any
idea of what to say, how to put aside enough grief to be coherent.  But as
I went through and answered them, it is amazing how much it helped me, just
to do that.  It made me search my own feelings behind all of this, on a
reasonable and coherent basis and of course, memorialize Quinn by having
him touch all of your lives as well.
 
We buried Quinn in our backyard, with his favorite toy and we read the
Rainbow Bridge story for him, and put the copy of the text with him.  We
packed the dirt around him with our hands, gently and lovingly, because it
made us feel closer to him.  He was a beautiful little soul, purely
innocent, and the 3 months we had him were a gift from God.
 
The first night, I couldn't sleep for hours, because the whole event kept
playing again, and again in my mind.  The 'what ifs' and the 'we should
haves' and the vision of my baby, without life.  I prayed to God to take
these visions from me for just a bit, so I could sleep and have a little
rest from the sheer force of emotions.  Just as I was drifting off, I saw a
vision of my Quinn, with angel wings, and for the life of me, I swear he
was war dancing while drifting up to God.
 
Again, thank you all.
Sherry
[Posted in FML issue 2478]