I IS OFF!  Got three little mosters in the front seat, and on my way.
Well, ok, just as soon as I email this.
 
I am getting an unfortuante late start because I essentially died today.
Really.  Ok, I didn't, but I wished I had.  I've got to tell you, I can
deal with pain, but ITCHING!!!  is torture!  And I feeeeeeel bad (wah!).
Not only do I look silly, but I've just found out kiddies are tougher
than me.
 
I have to apologize to all the people who are waiting for me to answer the
deep pile of email that is backed up on me.  I managed to wade about 1/2
way through, but there are still hundreds left to go.  Sorry, just not
enough time in the day these last two weeks.  I'll try to answer what I can
while on the road.
 
Sukie, I just read about your two losses.  I am sincerely sorry and offer
my deepest sympathies.  You are a good friend--even through we have never
actually met--and it is very hard to lose one, much less two so close
together.
 
Sam, I just read you are leaving Saturday from LA.  Gosh, I'm sorry I'll be
so far away.  I guess I'll just have to go to NZ and sleep on *your* floor.
Have a nice (long) flight, and thanks for the yellow monster.  And the
beer.  And the chance to make fun of your funny accent.
 
Bill, I'm not sure about what is being said about your ferrets and housing,
but I was there and they are one healthly pack-o-rats!  Your Swedish ferts
are the biggest I've seen pert-near anywhere (I can say pert-near because I
live in Missouri).  Your housing is as good or better than most other
breeders or shelters I seen in my travels.  'Course, not one was as perty
as my Carbone or Tui, but, hey, you can't have everything!  ;-) Just
remember, storms revitalize the ecosystem.  I don't know what that means,
but it sure sounds good.  Hang in there.
 
And a special note to the thoughtful young lady who wrote to me privately,
suggesting I was a lackey for the "Vetarinarian-Pharmasuitical-Meat Packing
Complex." You are right....I do get kick-backs from vets, which finance my
frequent road trips and feed my hordes of house-roving ferrets.  Yes,
Jeffery Dalhmer did collect bones from defenseless dead animals.  And yes,
my goal is the brainwashing of ferret people in attempts to get them to
feed "poor defenced mice" to their vegan ferrets.  Damn!  My secret is out!
How did you know?  Now, I'll have to call in a "cleaning squad." Get
paranoid...get very, very paranoid....LOOK OUT!!  A vet is behind you right
now!  Be careful or they will innoculate you!
 
You guys should *see* some of the mail I get.  I save and post the really
good stuff on a "bhored" in my room, along with headlines from "World New
Weekly," my favorite reading material after the "Journal of Improbable
Research" and "Mad." But this FML stuff is tame.  I still have a letter
(from when I was a photojournalist) from a man who said my pictures made
him sick, and sent along a sample.  Or the guy that mailed me a box of
dirt; that was good.  Or the time my driver-side window was smeared with
some sort of bodily waste, with the words "maggot" written in it, set off
with a garland of TP tied to the antenna; a charitable act performed by
some Arkansan teamsters during a strike.  That was the best.  But name
calling?  HA!  I have found many people can be brave when they set behind
locked doors, in dimmly lit rooms, typing on a keyboard.  Name-calling
behind anonymous addresses is a coward's bravery.  But then, maybe that is
all the courage they have....
 
Bob C sans 22 Mo Ferts but with three on the road.
[Posted in FML issue 2428]