>From:    Jenn Greene <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: boyfriend obsessed with ferret list
>My boyfriend is obsessed with this ferret list.  I am getting a little
>worried because all he ever does is read this ferret list and play with
>the ferret.  I think it is a little unhealthy....
>  -Tin(yo)
 
Tin(yo),
 
I really am sure your boyfriend does much, much more than just read the FML
and play with Skeeter.  What exactly is the problem?  Is it that he spends
too much time with the ferret and reading the FML, or is it that he does
not spend enough time showing you the attention you want, or is there
another problem?  It is important to understand exactly what the problem is
in order to reach a successful solution.  Sometimes, what one percieves as
a problem is really only the symptom of another, more significant problem.
Remember, ferrets (and other pets) give love and affection unconditionally--
they don't demand their fair share.  They accept the affection they receive
and return it in equal measure.
 
One solution is to stop being so judgemental.  Calling people strange and
accusing them of having unhealthy obsessions is not one of the accepted
ways of making people like you more -- that includes boyfriends as well
as strangers.  A shared interest usually works to bring a couple closer
together, rather than drive them apart.  Read the FML, and make positive
comments rather than the judgemental comments you have made.  Discuss a
posting that you like, or one that he finds interesting.  Join in the
playtime with Skeeter and your boyfriend.  Suggest taking Skeeter on a walk
in the park together, or attending a ferret or other pet show in your area.
You may even want to consider getting a ferret of your own.
 
You might also want to give your boyfriend a positive reason to show you
more attention.  Surprise him with his favorite meal, plan a romantic
evening together at home, or even a fun night out.  Invite him to show you
more attention, don't demand it.  Talk to him about his interest in his
ferret, rather than at him.  At the same time, discuss one or more of your
interests or hobbies with him.  Ask his advice about your interest and
listen to what he says.  If you don't have a particular interest, it might
be a good time to develop one.  Don't expect him to share your same level
of interest, but continue to share your interest with him and at the same
time share his ferret interest.  It may take time, but be patient.  A
successful relationship is like a musical work -- no one likes a one note
song, it takes variety to make a successful composition and relationship.
[Posted in FML issue 2606]