>From: Jenn Greene <[log in to unmask]> >Subject: boyfriend obsessed with ferret list >My boyfriend is obsessed with this ferret list. I am getting a little >worried because all he ever does is read this ferret list and play with >the ferret. I think it is a little unhealthy.... > -Tin(yo) Tin(yo), I really am sure your boyfriend does much, much more than just read the FML and play with Skeeter. What exactly is the problem? Is it that he spends too much time with the ferret and reading the FML, or is it that he does not spend enough time showing you the attention you want, or is there another problem? It is important to understand exactly what the problem is in order to reach a successful solution. Sometimes, what one percieves as a problem is really only the symptom of another, more significant problem. Remember, ferrets (and other pets) give love and affection unconditionally-- they don't demand their fair share. They accept the affection they receive and return it in equal measure. One solution is to stop being so judgemental. Calling people strange and accusing them of having unhealthy obsessions is not one of the accepted ways of making people like you more -- that includes boyfriends as well as strangers. A shared interest usually works to bring a couple closer together, rather than drive them apart. Read the FML, and make positive comments rather than the judgemental comments you have made. Discuss a posting that you like, or one that he finds interesting. Join in the playtime with Skeeter and your boyfriend. Suggest taking Skeeter on a walk in the park together, or attending a ferret or other pet show in your area. You may even want to consider getting a ferret of your own. You might also want to give your boyfriend a positive reason to show you more attention. Surprise him with his favorite meal, plan a romantic evening together at home, or even a fun night out. Invite him to show you more attention, don't demand it. Talk to him about his interest in his ferret, rather than at him. At the same time, discuss one or more of your interests or hobbies with him. Ask his advice about your interest and listen to what he says. If you don't have a particular interest, it might be a good time to develop one. Don't expect him to share your same level of interest, but continue to share your interest with him and at the same time share his ferret interest. It may take time, but be patient. A successful relationship is like a musical work -- no one likes a one note song, it takes variety to make a successful composition and relationship. [Posted in FML issue 2606]