Yes, you guessed it!  The Ferret Water Polo season is upon us.  Here's what
you need to get your team in shape for the Olympics:
 
-One bathtub with about 1/2 inch of water over the drain
 
-At least two ferrets.  Helps if one of them is crazy enough to like
water like our Mortimer
 
-Two or more ping pong balls, but don't let them keep them.  Our fuzzies
will crush and eat ping pong balls
 
Okay, let the games begin.  Contrary to how this sounds, this is a game of
intellect and strategy.  The water tolerant fuzzie is the first on the
field, eagerly hopping into the tub, snorkling and digging at the drain as
water pours down on his head from the faucet.  Other, less-aquatic
competitors are placed at the dry end of the tub, and soon join play with
the first ferret.  Note how first one, then another ping pong ball are
exchanged between teammates (competitors?).  Observe the skill and grace
with which the balls are pushed around the tub.  Listen to the crowd roar
when one of the teams scores (I think there is at least one team in the tub
for every ferret.  People are never allowed to score points).  Enjoy that
unique "wet ferret" smell.  Note how this perfume is released freely without
the inhibiting effects of shampoo.  I know you'll all come to be eager fans
of Ferret Water Polo, as I am.  Mortimer invented it for us.  He thinks the
bathtub is the nearest place in the whole world to heaven.  This makes it
real hard to take a shower when you consider that he still has this thing
for nipping toes.  He also figures that the bathtub is God's Chosen
Litterbox, since it gets cleaned up so fast whenever he uses it.  (Honestly,
I hear him wake from a deep sleep, walk through two rooms, go right past his
real litterbox, make the arduous leap into the tub, use it, then hop out and
come back into the bedroom and crawl under the bed and go back to sleep).
But I digress...
 
Well, anyway, Ferret Water Polo is a great spectator sport.  The look on
Mortimer's face is classic whenever he lays down in the water, and then
realizes that he just got really WET.  Then he forgets and does it again.
Sebastian tiptoes through the water, keeping his long long tail completely
free of it.  Then Mortimer notices him, and helps him get all wet, rolling
him around in the water.  Be careful if you play this game, though.  After
one session, Sebastian decided to pass up the usual towels for drying off
and then went straight for our computer keyboard.
 
We've also had some good games with an "r" shaped section of four inch pvc
pipe.  Oh, and many thanks to Courtney Killian for her advice on nip- and
kiss-training!  What does she have to say about keeping fuzzies from pooping
in a bathtub?  Arrrrghh!
 
-Catherine Shaffer
 
P.S.  Mortimer is getting his summer coat already.  He no longer has a big
white panda face, but now looks like a sneaky raccoon.  I think he wants to
look more like his brother Sebastian.  Anyone else have fuzzies changing
coats already?
[Posted in FML issue 1479]