Yes, you guessed it! The Ferret Water Polo season is upon us. Here's what you need to get your team in shape for the Olympics: -One bathtub with about 1/2 inch of water over the drain -At least two ferrets. Helps if one of them is crazy enough to like water like our Mortimer -Two or more ping pong balls, but don't let them keep them. Our fuzzies will crush and eat ping pong balls Okay, let the games begin. Contrary to how this sounds, this is a game of intellect and strategy. The water tolerant fuzzie is the first on the field, eagerly hopping into the tub, snorkling and digging at the drain as water pours down on his head from the faucet. Other, less-aquatic competitors are placed at the dry end of the tub, and soon join play with the first ferret. Note how first one, then another ping pong ball are exchanged between teammates (competitors?). Observe the skill and grace with which the balls are pushed around the tub. Listen to the crowd roar when one of the teams scores (I think there is at least one team in the tub for every ferret. People are never allowed to score points). Enjoy that unique "wet ferret" smell. Note how this perfume is released freely without the inhibiting effects of shampoo. I know you'll all come to be eager fans of Ferret Water Polo, as I am. Mortimer invented it for us. He thinks the bathtub is the nearest place in the whole world to heaven. This makes it real hard to take a shower when you consider that he still has this thing for nipping toes. He also figures that the bathtub is God's Chosen Litterbox, since it gets cleaned up so fast whenever he uses it. (Honestly, I hear him wake from a deep sleep, walk through two rooms, go right past his real litterbox, make the arduous leap into the tub, use it, then hop out and come back into the bedroom and crawl under the bed and go back to sleep). But I digress... Well, anyway, Ferret Water Polo is a great spectator sport. The look on Mortimer's face is classic whenever he lays down in the water, and then realizes that he just got really WET. Then he forgets and does it again. Sebastian tiptoes through the water, keeping his long long tail completely free of it. Then Mortimer notices him, and helps him get all wet, rolling him around in the water. Be careful if you play this game, though. After one session, Sebastian decided to pass up the usual towels for drying off and then went straight for our computer keyboard. We've also had some good games with an "r" shaped section of four inch pvc pipe. Oh, and many thanks to Courtney Killian for her advice on nip- and kiss-training! What does she have to say about keeping fuzzies from pooping in a bathtub? Arrrrghh! -Catherine Shaffer P.S. Mortimer is getting his summer coat already. He no longer has a big white panda face, but now looks like a sneaky raccoon. I think he wants to look more like his brother Sebastian. Anyone else have fuzzies changing coats already? [Posted in FML issue 1479]