Dear FML Family:
 
After watching with interest the past few days FML and reading what my dear,
dear friend has had to endure, the time has come for me to "come out of the
closet" so to speak.  Yes, tender readers, it is I, the subject of the
controversial post.  The one who has been accused of "animal abuse"
"beastiality" and "zoophilia" with my ferrets.  Yes I am the one who the
story that caused so much controversy was about!
 
First, gentle readers, please realize that you did not get the total
background of the story.  My husband, who had been being "difficult" all day
(men or women for that matter are never difficult with their spouses, are
they.....) was asleep.  I was trying to wake him up.  First a little
ferretone was dripped on his leg.  Then the other leg.  I was not careful,
and a little dripped on a "restricted area." The ferret in question was
licking nicely on Daddy's leg.  He followed the ferretone trail, and
unfortunatly went into a "restricted zone." Pato nipped, as ferrets will do,
in an unfortunate area.  Papa woke up "excited." Read "excited." Not
sexually aroused, but freaked out that he was nipped in an area he was not
usually nipped in.  The resulting spanish tirade was completely
understandable.  Pato was confused, I was embarrased, and husband was awake.
That was it.  In retrospect, the situation was funny because of how it
happened.  No "sexual excitement" took place.  It's the truth.
 
You would have to know me to believe this.  I am a Catholic, and a devoted,
pre-Vatican II (fellow Catholics will understand this.....) Catholic at that.
I don't even let my ferrets in the room when "private activites" occur.  I
can't stand them looking at me, I feel guilty, (we have the market cornered
on guilt, trust me) just as if it was one of my children was present, which
definatly would not be a possibility.... To have someone believe that of me
is completly ludicrous.  One incident, not repeated (since it was an
accident) does not make me a practictioner of "beastiality" or "zoophilia".
The idea is repugnant to me.
 
Maggie had my permission to relate this story.  If I had any clue of the
fallout she wuold receive due to this, I wouldn't have let her.  Her morals
are not "loose".  Maybe by the standards of the "predominate religion" where
I live in Utah, but not by most people.  Having a boyfriend no more makes
someone have "loose morals" than going to Church or being able to quote the
bible makes someone "Christian", or me going into a garage makes me a car....
 
My ferrets are well-loved, and not "sexually abused." One incident, ill-
fated, happened.  I love my boys.  I do not LOVE my boys.  I have a husband.
I LOVE him.  That is enough.  He feels the same.  Ferrets are our family,
but not in a dysfunctional meaning.  They are our babies, not our sexual
gratification.  People who feel that way are ill.  I feel sorry for them.
 
In my signature, I usually quote "Behind The Zion Curtain..."  That usually
refers to those of us who are not aligned with the predominate religion.  I
am not knocking the predominate religion here.  There are good and bad
people in all religious groups, or those who do not align themselves with
any religious group for that matter.  I refer to those members of that
religious group who are intolerant, and forget that Utah was founded "for
religious freedom without fear of persecution" just as the United States
itself was settled for the same reason.  That's it.  No hidden agenda here.
 
I was going to send, in Spanish, my husband's response to those who feel
that we have some "perverse" attraction to our boys.  But I won't.  It
wasn't too kind in thought or content.
 
Please, don't blame Maggie.  She is a wonderful person who cares deeply for
her ferrets.  She loves her babies, but doesn't LOVE them, if you get my
drift.  She's gotten a lot of fallout for stuff over the past few months
that have been taken wrongly.  She doesn't deserve it.  She cares more about
ferrets than anyone ever would imagine.  She has an incredible sense of
humor, too, as well as being a great, articulate person.  People can read
things into whatever someone writes, depending on their viewpoint.  (I
personally could never stand Hemmingway because I hated his writing style.
I hear he was a very good person though......)  That's life on a written
forum.
 
Please, please, please.  try to understand that.  BIG is right.  This is the
holidays, or at least a joyful time of year.  Let's not turn it into "a
battle of morals." It's fruitless.  Ireland still hasn't learned this.
Let's not repeat the mistake.
 
Best wishes to all for a Happy New Year.
 
Catherine, Pato, Snowball and Hubert
"Behind The Zion Curtain"
 
All I am asking is that everyone get off Maggie's case.  If anyone deserves
the fallout, it is me.  But please realize that it was not what some of you
thought.  It has not been repeated, since it was an accident.
[Posted in FML issue 2167]