Where there are holes in kitchen appliances, it usually means they like to
breath, so taping over the holes might not be a good idea.  Here in
Khaz-land, we use fine-mesh hardware cloth.  Get some tiny sheet metal
screws, UNPLUG THE APPLIANCE, drill holes for the screws around the hole you
want to cover, cut the hardware cloth to fit, screw it down, and your
appliance is as ferret-proof as it's gonna get.  Khaz, the wannabe appliance
repair-ferret, can spend days staring into the bowels of the living and
breathing machine, without causing undue strain on mom's heart.
 
December marked the beginning of...The Squeak Toy Wars.  We liked the idea
of training Khaz to come to the sound of a favorite squeak toy (or is it
Khaz trains mom to come to the squeak?).  At length, we located a nice
durable vinyl bunch of carrots (do those people at Hartz Mountain think dogs
are vegetarians or what?), and brought it home.  "Hey Khaz, look what
I...whoops!" The sleeping dog leaps to life.  "You brought me a squeak toy!
All my life I've wanted one of those and you never brought me one before.
This is great!" Dog pounces on carrots before they're even out of the
package.  Dog makes instant reverse transformation to puppyhood.  "Squeak,
squeak," she says, staring me in the eye, "Squeak, squeak, squeak!" Dog on
back squirming around.  Dog tossing toy in the air.  Dog squeaking ad
infinitum.  Finally, dog goes to sleep with carrots between paws.  Khaz,
meanwhile, is long gone, having important tasks to attend to elsewhere in
the house.
 
Days pass.  One day, dog sets carrots down to pick up Chew Man, the former
favorite toy.  Khaz, on patrol, finds carrots.  "Uh oh, something out of
place.  This is a job for Organizer Ferret!" Khaz begins to drag carrots
toward newly-appointed official carrot spot under bed.  "Hey!" says dog,
dropping Chew Man, "Those are my carrots!" Dog pounces and retrieves
carrots.  "Uh oh, says Khaz, "Chew Man is not in his proper place...." Chew
Man begins to migrate towards the bed.  "My Chew Man!" says dog, dropping
carrots just before Chew Man disappears.  "Got it!" "Oh dear," says Khaz, "I
never finished putting those carrots away...."
 
Pretty soon, Khaz is on one end of the carrots and the 50 lb dog is on the
other, tugging away.  I'd post a picture for you all, but it would take ASA
100000000 film to capture the action.  Besides, I was laughing too hard.
 
Kim ("What was I supposed to be doing?  Oh yes, writing my thesis.")
Khaz ("Let's see now...I believe *this* sock goes behind the bookcase.")
Kobe ("Mom, could you get those carrots out from under the bed for me?")
Sockeye ("Zzzzzzzzzzzz.")
[Posted in FML issue 1776]