Where there are holes in kitchen appliances, it usually means they like to breath, so taping over the holes might not be a good idea. Here in Khaz-land, we use fine-mesh hardware cloth. Get some tiny sheet metal screws, UNPLUG THE APPLIANCE, drill holes for the screws around the hole you want to cover, cut the hardware cloth to fit, screw it down, and your appliance is as ferret-proof as it's gonna get. Khaz, the wannabe appliance repair-ferret, can spend days staring into the bowels of the living and breathing machine, without causing undue strain on mom's heart. December marked the beginning of...The Squeak Toy Wars. We liked the idea of training Khaz to come to the sound of a favorite squeak toy (or is it Khaz trains mom to come to the squeak?). At length, we located a nice durable vinyl bunch of carrots (do those people at Hartz Mountain think dogs are vegetarians or what?), and brought it home. "Hey Khaz, look what I...whoops!" The sleeping dog leaps to life. "You brought me a squeak toy! All my life I've wanted one of those and you never brought me one before. This is great!" Dog pounces on carrots before they're even out of the package. Dog makes instant reverse transformation to puppyhood. "Squeak, squeak," she says, staring me in the eye, "Squeak, squeak, squeak!" Dog on back squirming around. Dog tossing toy in the air. Dog squeaking ad infinitum. Finally, dog goes to sleep with carrots between paws. Khaz, meanwhile, is long gone, having important tasks to attend to elsewhere in the house. Days pass. One day, dog sets carrots down to pick up Chew Man, the former favorite toy. Khaz, on patrol, finds carrots. "Uh oh, something out of place. This is a job for Organizer Ferret!" Khaz begins to drag carrots toward newly-appointed official carrot spot under bed. "Hey!" says dog, dropping Chew Man, "Those are my carrots!" Dog pounces and retrieves carrots. "Uh oh, says Khaz, "Chew Man is not in his proper place...." Chew Man begins to migrate towards the bed. "My Chew Man!" says dog, dropping carrots just before Chew Man disappears. "Got it!" "Oh dear," says Khaz, "I never finished putting those carrots away...." Pretty soon, Khaz is on one end of the carrots and the 50 lb dog is on the other, tugging away. I'd post a picture for you all, but it would take ASA 100000000 film to capture the action. Besides, I was laughing too hard. Kim ("What was I supposed to be doing? Oh yes, writing my thesis.") Khaz ("Let's see now...I believe *this* sock goes behind the bookcase.") Kobe ("Mom, could you get those carrots out from under the bed for me?") Sockeye ("Zzzzzzzzzzzz.") [Posted in FML issue 1776]