the sign language sign for weird is the same for weird, odd, strange and
peculiar... and Boy do they all apply to this afternoons Main Event!
 
My pager goes off..I return the page and a pet store answers...one and a
half area codes away..  I tell the answering clerk..'I received a page from
there, may I speak to the person who paged please?' the reply..'It was
me..are you the exotic lady?' my answer [with a wry smile] 'Thats an
interesting way of putting it, but yes, I am an exotic animal and habitat
consultant.' 'How may I help you?' the reply..'Oh, Super, Listen, We have a
couple of weird kittens somebody just left in a box in our shop and we don't
know what to do with them.' my answer..'In what way are they weird?' 'Can
you describe them for me, perhaps I can help you identify the breed and then
we can discuss the appropriate action you need to take, OK?' answer "OK!..
Our groomer thinks they are something called a munchkin 'cause they have
real short legs..like a cat built like a Dashound..But I'm not so sure
'cause they have tiny little ears and real pointed head shapes and are
really hyper!' 'Does that sound like one of those Munchy cats to you?'
 
At this point I am trying not to bust out laughing while sending a silent
'Thank You' winging upward, that the Good Old California Ignorance Factor is
safely in operation again!
 
'I ask her what action they have taken at this point?' and am very dismayed
to hear the owner has 'Called the Pound to come and get them out of his
store.' reply..  'When are you expecting them to arrive?' and hear back..
'Not for at least an hour to an hour and a half because they only have one
man on duty and he is the other end of the valley from our store.'
 
I am figuring travel time and with consideration that even without a pilots
lic. my jeep could maybe fly me there in time..  I decide to play the odds
and go for it...so..
 
my reply..'Well your groomer is partly correct [with a little prayer for
forgiveness for telling whoppers to save fuzzys..again!] what you have there
is a French version of a munchkin, Its a Pole Cat, thats spelled Poul in
French and pronounced 'Puool', a very rare and unusual kitten to find in
this country.' 'And needs special care and foods and has to be in a climate
controlled environment at all times.' 'I am not surprised you are seeing
hyperactivity, I suspect those Kittens were stolen from a French National
visiting our country and left in your store when they began acting sick like
that.' 'Its too bad the Animal Shelter is involved, they have no idea how to
care for them so they will probably die and they won't allow their employee
to accept the reward that is doubtless being offered for their return.' the
immediate reply..  'Reward, what reward?' 'You mean the owners might pay a
reward to the ones that found their little kittens and got them safely back
to them?' my answer..'Most certainly, I would imagine the more prominent
French Munchkin internet sites are at this moment humming with the owners
appeal and offer for their return, it's fairly customary you know.' answer..
'Gee, Honest?..We could call the pound back and tell them we found the
owners and not to bother to come, right?' "And if you find a reward offer,
then we get it, right?' 'And would you pick them up and get them back for us
'cause we can't leave here to go ourselves and the poor people must be
worried sick.' reply..  'I'd be delighted to help such honest and sensitive
kids out, Just let me get on the net and find the worried owners and get
authorization to pay you the reward and take possesion of the kittens and
transport them back to their family.' 'I'll call you right back, after I
have the information, ?' reply..  'You bet!' click.
 
I spend a few minutes getting the refrigerated transport unit ready to go
and wash up in a hurry and dash in and call them back..
 
'Hi, its me again, Its just as I thought, the family was checking into the
Hyatt Regency near the Airport when someone snatched their beloved pets
carrier right off the baggage cart and ran away with it.' 'They have been
worried sick, knowing how delicate these kittens are.' 'They are so relieved
their 'Kiddens' have been recovered and I have the authorizations I need so
I will be along as soon as I can get free here.' 'Just put the box in a dark
cool dry place away from all other people and no peeking or disturbing them
at all till I arrive, they could be in shock already and of course there is
no reward if the little dears die before I can get them back home.' reply..
'No problem, I'll do it right now in fact, see you soon?' my answer..  'I'm
on my way.' 'Oh, and don't forget to cancel that pound pick-up call, they
would spoil everything and the poor babies wouldn't have a chance with those
people, they just don't know anything about such a rare breed and the
exposure to a dog pound would be fatal considering their already shaky
condition, I'll count on you to be sure they stay safely with you nice kids
until I can get there and get them on their way home, OK?' answer..  'Count
on it.' click..
 
I hit the jeep at a dead run and flew low for close to 60 miles and made it
in just over an hour in 102 degree heat with very bad air pollution and
rotten traffic conditions..
 
the next phase of operation 'BIG FIB' will be covered in another post so I
don't exceed the line limit for the fml..  bye..dayna
 
[Combined posts.  BIG]
 
arrival..
 
I parked the jeep, grabbed the carrier out of the back and ran for the
store while checking in all directions for the Animal Control truck [they
are very bad abut calling their field officers to cancel a call as every
one completed is a log entry and the more entered the better the officer
looks] as I knew the odds were pretty high it would be there ahead of me
or right on my heels.  Just outside the door I did an instant stop,
smoothed my hair and clothes, took a deep breathe and strolled into the
store to the front desk.
 
'Hello, I am the exotics consultant you contacted about the kittens you
recovered, everything is as we discussed , correct?' answer..  'You bet,
just like you told us, nobody has been near them, we locked them in the
employees bathroom with the light off and everything.' my reply..  'Well,
aren't you clever, just the correct thing to have done.' 'Well, I have the
special refrigerated carrier with me and if you will show me the way I will
sedate them both and transfer them to the environment controlled unit and
get them out of this polluted air immediately, poor little things, they will
need a skilled vet to help them thru this terrible traumatic ordeal.' 'Your
skilled handling of this potentially lethal affair will surely guarantee
their full recovery.' 'You are to be congratulated, Oh, by the way, how did
you come to have my card in the first place?' all this while herding the
clerk rapidly to the back of the store and that box, while keeping an eagle
eye out for the Pound Officer..  reply... 'You designed and directed
construction of a special habitat for a customers Sugar Glider a while back
and they left your card with us so we would have an expert to call if anyone
wanted information or training on the care and housing of an exotic.' 'You
taught them and made the bonding pocket and everything for their little
Glider, and they are having so much fun with theirs while their friends are
having nothing but trouble with the one they got they wanted to be sure
other people got the right person if they get an exotic.' my reply..  'How
very nice of them, they are such charming people and so good with their fur
baby once they knew what to do and not to do, a real pleasure to work with
them.' [thinking to myself, which ones are they for heavens sake, mention a
name will you]
 
at this point she unlocked the door and I slipped through and closed and
bolted the door.  and breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I opened the carrier
and popped open the box and there, just as I was sure they would be, were
two about 7 week old ferret kits, looking hot and a bit dehydrated and very
hungry.  I gently put them in the carrier in the cool dim interior with cool
water and a dish of TF. and closed and snapped the combination lock closed
on the carrier door panel.  From this point on it would take a division of
crack troops to get that carrier opened much less get those little babies
away from me.  out I went Big smile plastered on my very worried face..
 
Carrier in hand I briskly walked to the counter and snapped out a crisp new
Fifty and handed it to the clerk while saying..'They appear to be not in too
bad shape, but time is of the essence in getting them to a skilled exotic
vet., I am sorry the reward wasn't larger, but the kittens are sterile and
only pets, if they had been breed stock the reward would have been
substantially larger, but this amount is very generous when you consider
what it amounts to in French Francs.' 'The family sends their sincere
gratitude to you and wants you to know they are impressed with the fast
clear headed way you handled this very delicate situation.' 'Well, I must be
off, can't lose a minute getting them to the clinic.' and I turned away from
a very pleased clerk and bumped smack into the shirt of a very big Animal
Control Officer.Did I panic?, did I run?  not a chance..I turned white and
nearly fainted, but since nobody noticed it doesn't count.
 
'Well Hello there Officer.' I smiled sickly.  I am so glad you arrived
before I had gone, I wonder if I could impose on you for a large favor?'
[looking upward with my best "Oh, you great big wonderful savior of little
animals smile firmly in place] reply..  'Sure, anything to help out.' my
answer..  'Since you have come all this way in this awful heat and all, I
wonder if I could buy you a nice large cold drink and ask you to take a
little of your very valuable time to give these nice kids a complete
description of your wonderful public service Animal Shelter's full schedule
of responsibilities and your extensive training to be able to help so many
needy pets?' holding out a five..'And won't you get one for yourself too,
dear, so this nice officer won't feel out of place while he tells you all
about his invaluable service to pet owners in this area, I am sure he has
some wonderful stories to share with you.' 'I must run, now, so nice to have
met you officer.' 'Bye, Now.' and gripping the carrier firmly in my badly
cramping hand I got out of there as fast as my long legs could carry me
without actually breaking into a run..  behind me I heard..'Just for the
record Miss, what did your owner call us out here for?' the closing door
mercifully cut off the reply..  I streaked for the jeep, put the carrier
under the bungie cords in the back and set the land speed record getting out
of that parking lot.
 
and this Ferret Felon, with that nice little clerks one of my business cards
safely in my purse, laughed and giggled all the long ride home... French
Munchkins [Pole Cats] Indeed!
 
The darling boy and girl dark sable kits..Maxie [he's a Big Boy] and Mini
[she's a very petite girl] have had their fervac D vaccines and are happily
playing with my fuzzy family... and I can't believe I pulled off the Big Fib
of the twentieth century and snatched those kits right off deaths door and
got away with it..
 
and two more fuzzys will live to Dook another day...!
 
 Bye all...dayna
 dayna frazier   102046,3162
'resident of the 'Marvellous Menagerie of Mirthful Mayhem'
             MMOMM!!!
[Posted in FML issue 1590]