Hello everyone,
 
This is one of those letters I always prayed I would never have to write
but yet here I am.  We lost Whirlwind today very unexpectedly.
 
I have spent so much time concerned with Dena and discussing her insulinoma
with the people here that this had just blind sided me.  I went to take
Whirly and his cage mate out of their cage today for some playtime.
Usually they both are pushing the door open but today only Dhugal was
insistent on getting out.  I reached inside and picked up Whirly and for a
moment thought he was gone.  Whirls doesn't so much have a big neck as
shoulders that start at his ears.  I always said he reminded me of a fat
bear.
 
I took the boys into the room and tried to figure out exactly what it was
that was different about Whirls, other than that I had probably woken him
up.  That was when I realized that he seemed almost half as heavy as he did
last night when we put them to bed.  I have always had to be really careful
handling him.  He was originally fostered to us because he was a serious
biter and ended up becoming part of our family.  While he stopped biting so
much he seemed to always enjoy biting females.
 
I turned him onto his back and that was when I noticed the blood around his
mouth.  I can't even describe the horrible feeling that came over me.  I
carefully washed his mouth off and inspected him for any wounds.  Then I
inspected his cage mate for wounds.  I found none.  He acted like he wanted
put down, so I thought maybe he was hungry.  Food always tastes better when
it comes out of a container not in your cage.  Usually that's the first
thing they head for as if they haven't eaten in days.  I set him down and
he just kind of tottered and then sank to the floor.
 
I scooped him up and carried him out to the living room to get a better
look at him.  He has never been a cuddler, about 15 seconds is his max.  He
laid in my arms without protest.  I knew then that we were going to lose
him.  I gave him a bit of water from a syringe, most of which dribbled back
out of his mouth but some he did swallow with great difficulty.  I rocked
him and sang to him while I gave him all the loves he would never let me
give him before.  I told him how much we loved him and that we didn't want
him to go, but if it was time he should.  A little more than an hour later
he passed on in his sleep.
 
I still can't belive he is gone.  Dena I am preparing for.  I know she is
sick.  Caitrin just turned 6 years old.  I know she won't be with us much
longer.  Whirlwind was around 3 years old (we will never know for sure as
he was a foundling).  He was a picture of health until today.  I'm still
in such shock over this.  We are watching his cage mate very carefully now.
None of them have been out of the house or exposed to another animal in
months so I can't even begin to think what could be wrong.
 
Whirly was my nose kisser.  The only one who would give me kisses unasked
for.  All I had to do was hold him up.  That was his only concession to
loves.  Of course I couldn't let him get near my chin or we would be in for
a little lick, lick, chomp.  Tonight as we played with our other babies and
I held them extra close and gave them loves until they squirmed I got nose
kisses from one of them.  I'd like to think it was Whirlys way of telling
me he got to the bridge okay.  I'm so wracked with guilt right now.  If I
had gone into the room sooner would I have noticed something was wrong?  Is
there anything I could have done?  I don't regret not taking him to the vet
immediately after finding him.  I knew from looking at him it was time for
him to go.
 
We only had Whirls for a little over a year.  I hope his life with us was
happy.  Each of our babies is so special to us, but I never realized how
much I loved his little quirks until he was gone.  As I was heading into
the room I went to slip on my shoes only to remember that no one in there
was going to bite my toes anymore.  What I wouldn't give to tell him just
one more time to leave my toes alone.  Never again will I open the door and
see him peeking out of the closet ready to dash behind a box for a game of
peek-a-boo-I-don't-want-to-go-back-to-my-cage.
 
I have read for months now posts from people who have lost one of their fur
kids and always felt bad for them, now I know the hole they have in their
hearts and I understand why they write to tell everyone.  Whirly didn't
have a fancy funeral, no one to grieve him but mom and dad, so I guess this
is my way to tell him a final goodbye.
 
I know everyone says it when they lose one of their carpet sharks, but do
go and hug your babies right this moment.  Don't waste a single second of
time you could spend with them.  Sometimes you know its coming and
sometimes you never have but a moments warning.  Don't let the regrets I
have of time lost with Whirly become your regrets too.  Life is too short
not to give them every ounce of love you have.
 
I love you Whirly.  We will never forget you.
 
Carrie and her crew of 7
[Posted in FML issue 2922]