Hello everyone, This is one of those letters I always prayed I would never have to write but yet here I am. We lost Whirlwind today very unexpectedly. I have spent so much time concerned with Dena and discussing her insulinoma with the people here that this had just blind sided me. I went to take Whirly and his cage mate out of their cage today for some playtime. Usually they both are pushing the door open but today only Dhugal was insistent on getting out. I reached inside and picked up Whirly and for a moment thought he was gone. Whirls doesn't so much have a big neck as shoulders that start at his ears. I always said he reminded me of a fat bear. I took the boys into the room and tried to figure out exactly what it was that was different about Whirls, other than that I had probably woken him up. That was when I realized that he seemed almost half as heavy as he did last night when we put them to bed. I have always had to be really careful handling him. He was originally fostered to us because he was a serious biter and ended up becoming part of our family. While he stopped biting so much he seemed to always enjoy biting females. I turned him onto his back and that was when I noticed the blood around his mouth. I can't even describe the horrible feeling that came over me. I carefully washed his mouth off and inspected him for any wounds. Then I inspected his cage mate for wounds. I found none. He acted like he wanted put down, so I thought maybe he was hungry. Food always tastes better when it comes out of a container not in your cage. Usually that's the first thing they head for as if they haven't eaten in days. I set him down and he just kind of tottered and then sank to the floor. I scooped him up and carried him out to the living room to get a better look at him. He has never been a cuddler, about 15 seconds is his max. He laid in my arms without protest. I knew then that we were going to lose him. I gave him a bit of water from a syringe, most of which dribbled back out of his mouth but some he did swallow with great difficulty. I rocked him and sang to him while I gave him all the loves he would never let me give him before. I told him how much we loved him and that we didn't want him to go, but if it was time he should. A little more than an hour later he passed on in his sleep. I still can't belive he is gone. Dena I am preparing for. I know she is sick. Caitrin just turned 6 years old. I know she won't be with us much longer. Whirlwind was around 3 years old (we will never know for sure as he was a foundling). He was a picture of health until today. I'm still in such shock over this. We are watching his cage mate very carefully now. None of them have been out of the house or exposed to another animal in months so I can't even begin to think what could be wrong. Whirly was my nose kisser. The only one who would give me kisses unasked for. All I had to do was hold him up. That was his only concession to loves. Of course I couldn't let him get near my chin or we would be in for a little lick, lick, chomp. Tonight as we played with our other babies and I held them extra close and gave them loves until they squirmed I got nose kisses from one of them. I'd like to think it was Whirlys way of telling me he got to the bridge okay. I'm so wracked with guilt right now. If I had gone into the room sooner would I have noticed something was wrong? Is there anything I could have done? I don't regret not taking him to the vet immediately after finding him. I knew from looking at him it was time for him to go. We only had Whirls for a little over a year. I hope his life with us was happy. Each of our babies is so special to us, but I never realized how much I loved his little quirks until he was gone. As I was heading into the room I went to slip on my shoes only to remember that no one in there was going to bite my toes anymore. What I wouldn't give to tell him just one more time to leave my toes alone. Never again will I open the door and see him peeking out of the closet ready to dash behind a box for a game of peek-a-boo-I-don't-want-to-go-back-to-my-cage. I have read for months now posts from people who have lost one of their fur kids and always felt bad for them, now I know the hole they have in their hearts and I understand why they write to tell everyone. Whirly didn't have a fancy funeral, no one to grieve him but mom and dad, so I guess this is my way to tell him a final goodbye. I know everyone says it when they lose one of their carpet sharks, but do go and hug your babies right this moment. Don't waste a single second of time you could spend with them. Sometimes you know its coming and sometimes you never have but a moments warning. Don't let the regrets I have of time lost with Whirly become your regrets too. Life is too short not to give them every ounce of love you have. I love you Whirly. We will never forget you. Carrie and her crew of 7 [Posted in FML issue 2922]