Dear Santa,

I've been a good ferret mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
ferrets on demand, visited the Vet's office more than my own doctor,
spend more on their shampoos and conditioners than I do for myself, and
most of the time they are groomed better than I am. I was hoping you
could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write
this letter with my a black china marker on the back of a ferret food
receipt in the laundry room between cycles of ferret bedding, and who
knows when I'll find anymore free time in the near future with ferrets
coming, clinics and symposiums on the he horizon.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;
but are strong enough to put my struggling ferrets into the next
playroom for play time.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere eating symposium
food and at least three dress outfits and some jeans that will zip all
the way up without the use of power tools.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like noseprint
resistant Plexiglas barriers , floors that clean themselves, and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I
can hide to eat my own snacks without having to share with a pack
of dooking maniacs.

On the practical side, I could use a battery operated ferret that is
always stacked perfectly and moves to perfection on my command to boost
my showing confidence, along with at least two who don't bump each
other to start a squabble over the foamy fry or Cheweasel they found
in the toy box .

I could also use a recording of The Ferret Whisperer chanting "Don't
pee in that corner" and "Get off of her, you have your own Cheweasel"
because my voice seems to be just out of my ferrets hearing range and
can only be heard by the next door neighbors who are at least an acre
away.

If it's too late to find any of these things, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
served in a Styrofoam container at a ferret clinic or symposium.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
a ferret lock down session? It will clear my conscience immensely when
I look at those tiny little faces looking out from the bars .

It would be helpful if you could coerce my 2 legged furless children
to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the
bosses of an organized crime family because afterall, these are MY
ferrets!

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and some of my ferrets
saw my feet under the laundry room door. They think I am eating dinner
in here again and they are missing out on leftovers.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and
look down so that you don't step into an "accident".

I would have left cookies, but between the ferrets and the cat, there
is no chance that anything other than drool will be left on the plate.
I left you a Hot Toddy to warm you from the cold, but after a day like
this, I drank it myself. Yours Always, Ferret Mum.

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
"ferret " in perfect show coats so that they win at the shows.

Be sure that this gets passed on to all the ferret parents you know,
and if you belong to as many lists as I do, you will be very busy. LOL

Merry Christmas

[Posted in FML 5459]