Well, the first lesson has to be grammar and pronunciation for sure.  It
doesn't so much matter what you say, as how you say it.  Sweet and
dripping with sincerity.  To quote my father, "If you can't say something
nice, don't say anything at all." I'm not sure this is exactly what he
meant, but it does seem to hold true.  For example, there are all sorts
of words one might use when one steps in a mislaid pile of poo with ones
bare foot in the middle of the night.  To be properly Southern, you must
first start by saying, "Bless your little weezilly heart" followed by
"if I find out who is randomly pooping in my path to the bathroom I will
wring your sweet precious little neck."
 
Also, you must get proper use of "y'all" down.  (Please note the spelling
too).
 
For example,
"You" is singular.  "Okay, now Sparky.  You better get your fuzzie little
butt out of my shower and quit licking me on the ankle!  You are not
trustworthy!!"
 
"Y'all" is plural.  "Alright now.  Y'all better get out of this shower
and quit licking me on the ankle because I know y'all.  If anyone bites
me...!!!!"
 
"All y'all" is more plural.  "If all y'all don't get outta this shower
right now and quit chomping me on the ankle I swear you will never get
another weezilly treat ever again EVER!!!!!"
 
Hmmm... tomorrow perhaps we'll cover deportment and decorum.
 
Bless y'all's hearts!
[Posted in FML issue 4930]