Not long ago, when I left my notebook sitting unattended for just a moment
and returned to find Sweet Pea had typed - hlpqrrrrrd mrthrrrrrrrrrrrrrrqwed
sggggggggggggggggggpp;kdddddddddd.  I viewed this message and translated
"Help Mother Ship".  And I had an epiphany.  I always wanted to have one and
finally I did.  For it was at that moment that it all became clear and I
realized that our ferrets are aliens.
 
And this was quite exciting to me because so many things suddenly made
sense.  Think about it.
 
First, ferrets do not relate to life as we know it on this planet.  A trait,
by the way, that they share with teenagers whom I also strongly suspect are
alien life-forms.  Their behavior is strange and erratic (the ferrets, not
the teenagers, although they fit this pattern too).  They trash our houses,
have strange fetishes, do wild tribal dances, communicate with unseen
objects, interfere and participate in all our activities, collect and hide
objects and much more.  They do not behave like other animals.  And, of
course, there is the endless debate on their origin.  Well, debate no more,
they are from another planet, and thus their origins can more easily be
explained.
 
Now, we know there is evidence of the domestic ferret since before Egyptian
times and many have pointed to evidence of possible alien visitors since
that time as well.  I think this is when the ferret first infiltrated our
planet.  And they have been with us ever since.  Of course, over the last
five thousand years or so, evidence and sightings of alien visitations have
continued to be plotted and observed.  This is to be expected.  After all
the ferrets have to stay in communication and report back their findings as
well as turn in the earth artifacts that they have collected for their home
planet.
 
In all probablity, their home planet, wherever that is, is in desperate need
of rubber and like substances such as vinyl, latex and leather.  Shoes must
epecially be in shortage.  Cotton is probably also on the list of objects to
be collected and this may explain where every other sock we own disappears.
 
And this next observation is really scary.  They control our minds.  They
exert a strange hypnotic power that reduces us to their will.  They have us
completely in their power and hold us in thrall.  They want more of their
kind in our houses, and we obey and bring in more aliens.  They control us
so completely that if we should, for instance, run out of raisins, we will
go out into a stormy night to acquire these delicacies for them.  We have
been reduced to alien-ferret slaves.  Agggh!  We have been conquered, and we
did not even know it!
 
And their demands are many.  Just think about it.  Many of us devote much of
our lives to caring for them, form shelters to house those who need it,
spend all our money on their care, help them reproduce, actively work on
legislation to make sure they can live wherever they want to, and all the
while, they have us totally convinced us to be grateful for their company!
 
And every day, more people fall under their power.  Already, there is an
estimated 5 million ferrets in homes across the country.  At this alarming
rate of increase, within the next ten years, nearly every home will be under
their control!  It boggles the mind to think of it.  What will happen?  Will
we become a completely alien-ferret controlled society?  Will raisins be
used as money or for barter?  Will we have to dook?  Will most products sold
in stores be for ferrets?  Will they do something about the situation in the
Mid-East?
 
And to think - I would never have figured this out if Sweet Pea had not
confused my computer with a space ship communication device.  Now I just
have to figure out why she was calling for help!  And I am not going to take
any chances.  Whatever she wants, she gets.  Maybe this is why people
sometimes just disappear - ferrets have ferreted them away to the Mother
Ship.  If I am right - we are in serious trouble!  I don't know what we can
do, but I know one thing - keep your ferrets happy!  Who knows what could
happen if they turn in an unfavorable report on you................
 
Cheers,
Meg
[Posted in FML issue 1735]