The Ferret God Bob Church spaketh thusly:
>the case, maybe I'm more like Thor.  Mild-mannered sickly science dude,
>smack the cane, and blam, a new ferret superhero guy...no, not Thor.....
>Bob remember?  It would be...Bhor!
>
>Bhor the Ferret God. Cool.
 
                - Bhor the Ferret God -
 
It was a quiet and beautiful sunny day.  Bob Church stared out the window
wishing he was outside frolicking in the sunshine with his beloved mustelid
hoarde.  Hell, he'd rather be inside frolicking with his mustelid friends or
even cleaning litter boxes rather then writing paper he was working on.
 
Bob saved the file he was editing and pushed the keyboard away. "Some days are
just bad days to try and write anything", Bob mused. He put the ferret he was
cuddling into a sleeping area and wandered out into the kitchen. Bob was in
luck - one can of Coors left in the fridge and some leftover nachos.
 
He scooped up the the beer and nachos and headed into the living room.  He
man- aged to find a small area on the futon that was not occupied by
sleeping fer- rets.  He sat down and clicked on the tv.
 
Bob opened the beer and took a hardy daught.  "Ahhhhh....that's good." Bob,
now munching on a nacho, said "Let's see what's on the boob tube today." He
turned on the tv.  Bob surfed through the channels looking for something
good.  While "Gilligan's Island", "Wheel of Fortune", and the PBS
documentary "The Sex Life of Mollusks" briefly caught his attention, he
continued surfing and finally stopped at CNN where a reporter was
frantically screeching out the details of a catastrophe happening at the
California-Nevada border...
 
"...the CACA-Nazi F&G Stormtroopers, which have been rampaging through
California for years, are now trying to spread their sphere of evil
influence to Nevada.  National Guard forces trying to stop them have been
totally routed!  The Army forces are being mobilized, but they will not be
in place until sometime tomorrow.
 
General P.  Wilson, leader of the CACA-Nazi F&G Stormtroopers, released this
statement earlier today: "We will stop at nothing to prove the existence of
feral ferrets.  No border will stop us.  No law will stop us.  The lack of
evidence will not stop us.  We shall prove that ferrets are a danger even if
we have to tear this country apart to do so!  We will succeed since no force
on Earth will deter us from our holy cause!"
 
The Governor of Nevada is urging all Nevada citizens near the California to
flee eastward immediately.  We are..."
 
A dark expression stormed over Bob's faced as he turned off the tv.  "Damn!
Those CACA-Nazi F&G Geeks are on the rampage again!  This is a job for
Bhor!"
 
Bob pulled a small bacula carved with magical runes from his pocket.  He
knelt down and tapped the small bone on the floor.  In an instant, the mild
mannered man was transformed to *-Bhor the Ferret God!*-
 
Bhor, who looked like a stuntdouble for Arnold Schwarzeneggar, stood
resplendent in his magical armor.  The bacula had also transformed for it
was actually the famed and legendary spear, Fertnir.  The spear, crafted by
dwarves long ago, was a gift from Bhor's father, Wydin.  The awesome powers
of the godly spear could scarcely be described...so I won't try!
 
Bhor tapped the spear three times on the floor.  A peal of thunder boomed
and rattled the house.  In a flash of lightning Bhor disappeared.  One of
the ferrets sleeping on the futon lifted its head, yawned, looked around
sleepily, and curled back up.
 
In a nearly simultaneous flash of lightning, Bhor appeared in Nevada near
the California border.  Looking to the west, Bhor could see the horrifying
F&G hoarde approaching.  Bhor stood firm with Fertnir in his hand.  The
advancing Storm- troopers stopped about 20 feet in front of Bhor.
 
"Hold fast you foul demons!" commanded Bhor.  "You will not advance any
further.  In fact, I plan to drive you back to the Hell hole that spawned
you!"
 
General P.  Wilson cried "Never!" and the hoarde began again to advance.
 
"STOP!" screamed Bhor and the thundering power in his voice caused the
insane army to again halt.  Sensing a moment of weakness in his foe, Bhor
assaulted his enemy with reason.  When that proved ineffectual, Bhor hurled
scientific information and evidence at his foe.  Bhor's assault again proved
fruitless.
 
"I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I must!" said Bhor as he
leveled the fabulous spear Fertnir at the General and his army.  With a
booming voice, Bhor called upon the mystic powers of the spear, "Oh great
Fertnir, drive this vile enemy of ferret- and humankind back to the pit from
which they crawled!" A magical halo of dark energy erupted from the tip of
the spear and sparked out to the Stormtroopers.  As the ebon energy neared
the Troopers, it splintered into numerous small, dark projectiles.  The
projectiles hailed against the army.  The army let up a collective cry,
turned tail and ran all the way back to their not-so secret head-quarters in
California.
 
...
 
In time, many stories were told of the day mighty Bhor saved Nevada from
certain doom.  People spoke for years how the CACA-Nazi F&G Stormtroopers
were chased from Nevada by Bhor and his spear Fertnir or as it was sometimes
euphemistically referred to, "The Great Ferret Poop Gun".
 
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
-kim the crazy with her four ferret poop guns, squirt, pippi, atlas, and jinx
 
Kimberly Burkard     |             _    Everything I needed to know in life,
Eastman Kodak Company|      _____C .._. I learned from my ferret:
Rochester, New York  | ____/     \___/  Frolic and dance for joy often, have
[log in to unmask]    |<____/\_---\_\    no fear or worries, and enjoy life.
[Posted in FML issue 2271]