Dear Ferret Folks-
 
I wish that my new kit Switch had posted her "To-Do" list somewhere
visible this morning.  It might have lessened the shock.
 
Kits are not like ferrets, especially not like the older ferrets I have
always had experience with.  While they resemble ferrets externally, I
hypothesize that they are actually linked to all the so-called "missing
dark matter" that astrophysists insist makes up 90 percent of the known
universe by weight.  Scientists can't account for it.  Either kits have
stashed it under the furniture, or they are simply composed of it.  That
might account for the six kiloton destruction done by my three-quarter
pound kit this afternoon.
 
If I had a copy of her "To-Do" list today, it would have looked something
like this:
 
Memo to Myself-
1) Chew through the cloth outer coating of my soft donut toy and tear
   all it's polyfill guts out.  Strew over bottom of cage.
 
2)Move all the poop boxes, and poop on the cage floor where they had been.
  Add polyfill.Stir.
 
3)Tear the jingling kitty toy from the end of the string it dangles from
  inside the cage.  Roll it through poop.
 
4)During outside play time, knock over stereo speakers.
 
5)Strip leaves from dead plant, crush, and strew over thirty square feet
  of carpet.
 
6)Up-end and empty contents of wastepaper basket out onto floor.
 
7)Climb into antique baby-crib, toss all of the stuffed toys out of it and
  onto the floor.
 
8)Climb through cardboard box of supplies looking for container of weasel
  grease.
 
9)Take Cheerios away from long-suffering, much older cage mate.  Not to
  eat, mind you, just to have.
 
10)Last but not least, repeatedly climb the legs of human slave attempting
   to clean the horror that I have made of the cage.  When possible, back
   up six feet and charge full tilt toward the human.  Leap into the air
   while dooking, climb leg.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.
   Repeat.
 
Tired in Massachusetts,
Alexandra
[Posted in FML issue 3652]