Q: "Do you really own 22 ferrets?"
 
A: No, 22 ferrets own me.
 
Q: "Whats the diff between a polecat and a ferret?"
 
A: One poops in the woods and the other under my desk.
 
Domesticated ferrets are sweet, people-loving, corner-backing pets full of
piss and vinegar. European polecats are not.
 
Polecats are slightly smaller than ferrets, ferrets can have two
reproductive heats a year compared to the polecat one, polecats can see
shades of red and blue while ferrets see only some shades of red, ferrets
walk in the open while polecats keep to the edges, polecats are smarter
than ferrets, ferrets are not a muscular as polecats, polecats are strict
territorialists while ferrets are adaptable to same-sex partnerships,
ferrets come in albinist forms while polecats rarely survive such
conditions, ferrets have a narrow postorbital constriction while polecats
do not have much of one at all, the polecat brain is larger than the
ferret, the ferret's eyes are at a slightly different angle than the
polecat, the polecat climbs and jumps better than the ferret, and the
ferret is prone to disease at a higher rate than polecats.  Whew!
 
Q: "My boss says ferrets are the same thing as the European Polecat because
they have the same scientific name, but the dog is not the same as the wolf
because they have different names.  Is this true?"
 
A: Truth?  Truth is such a relative word.  Relative to how much trouble you
get into by telling it, that is.
 
Ok, regardless of nomenclature, ferrets are to European polecats what dogs
are to wolves, cats are to wildcats, pigs are to boar, turkeys are to wild
turkeys, chickens are to junglefowl, goldfish are to carp, lab rats are to
Norway rats, lab mice are to house mice, lop rabbits are to European
rabbits, guinea pigs are to cavies, horses, cattle, llamas, camels, sheep
and goats are to their extinct wild ancestors, and CaCa Fish and Gestapo
agents are to elephant excretment.
 
By the same token, you could say that ferrets are to European polecats
that humans are to Neandertals, endangered Florida panthers are to common
mountain lions, endangered Key deer are to white-tailed deer, threatened
black-tailed deer are to mule deer, and CaCa Fishing Gestapo agents are
to fedid pools of butt slime setting in the sun.  In other words, they
are all the same in terms of classification (regardless of the current
nomenclature), but they are also different in that they have evolved
differently than their wild progenators due to human selection--rather than
natural selection--being the primary instrument of species evolution.
 
The current method of mammalian nomenclaure does not specifically address
domestication, so some domesticated species have the same name (ferrets,
chickens, turkeys, pigs, etc.), while others have different names (dogs,
cats, etc.).  Since this non-uniformity reflects tradition, non-scientific
bias, etc., and is not based on any particular scientific principle, *ANY*
designation of a domesticated species is theoretically incorrect.
 
Sooooooo, it is actually just as correct to label the ferret "Mustela furo"
instead of "Mustela putorious furo" as it is to label the dog "Canis
familiaris" instead of "Canis lupus familiaris" or the cat "Felis catus"
instead of "Felis sylvestris catus." One domestication scientist has
suggested all domestic animals lose their current binomials and be labeled
"Mustela putorius f. domesticus" or "Canis lupus f. domesticus" (f. means
forma).  Others suggest domesticated species simply be labeled "Mustela
domesticus" or "Felis domesticus."  And still others think domestication is
evolution, so domesticates should get their own binomial, such as "Mustela
furo" or "Canis familiaris."  The debate is yet to be resolved.
 
You can't say a dog is more domesticated than a ferret for the same reasons
you can't say a turtle is more evolved than a bird.  Since each species,
wild or domesticated, has its own unique history which makes direct
comparisons rather difficult.  For example, you might define "more evolved"
as developing flight, thus the bird was more evolved.  So what about
insects?  They fly.  Or flightless birds, like the rhea or ostrich.  Are
they less evolved?  Or flightless birds that fly underwater, like the
penguin.  See the problem?  Domestication, like evolution, is relative to
the species, making direct comparisons problematic.
 
Q: "Do ferrets enjoy sex?"
 
A: What's the ferret word for "Oh God?"
 
I'm sure the preverted little monkeys do.  They sure squeal while getting
it on.  Sound like little piggies.
 
Bob C and 22 Mo Weasels of Wisdom
[Posted in FML issue 2437]