Hi Everyone,
 
Thought I would give you a few glimpses into the life of a mad woman with
31 ferrets, 5 cats, and one dog.  Yes, that's right and that is exactly why
I say mad.  I plead temporary insanity for my heart that says yes when my
head says "Oh my God."
 
Put up all the ferts in their room and cages so Ma can clean up the house
of poop, vacuum, and steam clean carpets.  This is a several hour job,
mainly the poop picking upping.  Made even worse by walking by any of said
ferrets, whom are convinced they are being abused and are trying to look
their most pitiful.
 
Ma completely wears herself out cleaning carpets, but walks around right
before beddy bye to admire the clean floors that don't smell like fert for
a change.  She sighs.  She limps, crawls, drags herself back into bedroom
and lets out the small group of ferts.  Only about 10.  Sleeps the sleep
of the dead, wakes up with aches in places she didn't know existed.
 
Stumbles into the kitchen for coffee, having to pick her way across the
lino covered once again in ferret poop.  She cries at the futility of her
effort after counting no less than 20 fresh poopies on the kitchen floor.
She makes coffee and drags into the living room to sit and try and wake up.
Counts another dozen or so poopies on floor as she walks.
 
Miss Pookie climbs in her lap to see if she has food.  Ma has no food, only
coffee which Miss Pookie doesn't like.  Miss Pookie leaves.  Miss Natasha
climbs into Ma's lap, nips her toes, runs up her arm and across her
shoulders down her chest, diving chin first into coffee, which she likes.
She digs in coffee, covering Ma and her chair in coffee.  Miss Natasha is
wet enough and decides to do a hit a run on the dog.
 
The dog, Tikki, a small poodle is running around the house top speed with
one ferret right on her butt.  Miss Natasha is faster and cuts under
furniture to get ahead of her.  They run and run and run all over the
house, the ferret doing a smooth low fast lope while the poodle works
double time and has ears flapping in the wind.
 
Ma makes herself some cereal.  She sits down in the comfy chair with a bowl
of cereal and a fresh cup of coffee.  Miss Pookie realizes she has food and
climbs onto Ma's chest to set and eat cereal off her spoon (Miss Pookie
does not like getting her nose wet in milk).  Then Miss Bette smells it and
takes her station on the other side of the bowl, nose diving to get her
cereal (she doesn't mind the milk mustache).  And the only treat besides
ferretone that Maxwell likes is, of course, milk.  So now Ma is sharing her
cereal with three ferrets.  By this time Miss Natasha has gotten wind of
the activities and so comes flying onto the chair (this ferret only goes
one speed, full thrusters) and jumps between the cereal bowl and the coffee
cup.  Ma finds it very hard to eat with a spoon, hold the cereal bowl *and*
the coffee cup at the same time.
 
And she can't get up since she has a full lap of ferrets, who DO NOT run
off to eat their food.  So Ma's housedress or nighty is now covered in
cereal bits and drops of milk.  She finally gets a couple of ferrets off
her lap and decides to stand up for the rest of her meal.  Ma stands next
to the TV to watch the news, coffee sits on top of TV while Ma holds and
eats out of the bowl.
 
[2 posts combined.  BIG]
Next on the agenda is checking email.  NO wait, poodle sees Ma walking
towards back door, that is a signal for march hare attack and frantic
running to and from back door, pleading to be let out.  Ma sneaks out in
milk stained nighty to place poodle in pen on side of house for the day.
 
She finally gets to sit down at the desk, well almost.  First she must shoo
Connor and Kane, the two young cats, off her office chair to even sit at
the desk and start up the computer.  Mission accomplished she boots up the
pooter and the wondrous Mac chord sounds a call to all ferrets.  They come
running to bite Ma's toes and climb her legs to get onto the desk while she
tries to work.  Many folks get really funny email from Ma, with encrypted
messages to other ferrets.  Ma is glad the cord to the keyboard has not yet
succumbed to Miss Pookie's midnight snacking.
 
Looking at a pile of literature, Ma then heads for the chaise to read
Milton.  This signals all the cats to come and pile on the throw on her
legs.  She is now pinned for the duration.  She opens to Paradise Lost and
begins to read, while Miss Natasha is running through her hair in the back.
Then Miss Myrna Loy decides that Ma's ears and eyelids are in need of
cleaning and she demands that Ma takes off her glasses and submit to the
cleaning.  Twenty minutes later Ma is dropping off to sleep, with Milton
and glasses in lap and ferret cleaning face.
 
Hour or so later she gets up and walks to kitchen for food, after stepping
in a surprise pile of poopie in the middle of the floor.  She decides to
just share everything this time, so just sits on floor and lets everyone
get their own.  Cats join in at this point.  The pizza is picked clean of
everything but the crust.  Good thing Ma likes bread.
 
A couple of hours later, doing little things around the house, Ma decides
to call a friend.  What's this?  No dial tone?  Ma checks the only corded
phone in the house, the one on the desk.  Miss Pookie likes to snack on
that cord too, and in doing so, removes phone from base,causing the line to
be busy for hours.  Ma hangs up phones and immediately gets calls from
frustrated folks who cannot even leave message.
 
Time to do a couple of loads of ferret laundry.  More poopie, on clothes,
on floor, on everything.  Ma cannot figure out how poopie gets four feet
up on the wall.  She doesn't want to think about it.  Just like she didn't
want to think about how she got poopie on the computer monitor screen.
 
Ma decides to go to bed.  That is, after placing some newspaper and paper
towels on other side of bed.  Miss Mary Jane loves to sleep with Ma and Ma
likes it too.  Only one small problem, Miss Mary Jane has not been able
to figure out how to get on and off the bed.  So when she has to go and
doesn't want to get off the bed, she goes on the bed.  Ma has temporarily
solved this problem by placing the paper pad there.  Miss Mary Jane
understands and Ma is happy.
 
Ma goes to sleep listening to the poodle snore on the floor, Nicky snoring
in his hammock, and Miss Mary Jane snoring on her pillow.  All is good.
 
Hope your day was as fun as mine.  And no, I wouldn't change it for the
world.  Love them all.
 
Margaret
[Posted in FML issue 2631]