Howdy,
 
Many people have asked how Mr. Lugnut Chains got his name.  Well, I'm gonna
explain it here once so I don't have to type it again and again.
 
When I got the old guy at the ripe old age of 8, I could not think of a
name for him and he didn't come with one.  Now I'm the type of person who
has to find a name that's "just right" and sometimes this can take a while.
So for the longest time he was nameless.  Then I made him a collar out of a
dog chain (I know, I know, not the safest thing, but it was a long time ago
and it sure looked spiffy).  So then, against my wishes, my roommates
started calling him "Chains".  Some people just can't stand something not
having a name.  A while later, I was changing a tire on my car, putting
the lugnuts on, and it hit me.  The perfect name: Lugnut.  I was a
mechanic/motorhead so it suited the part if my personality and it suited
his personality well, he was kinda a big ol' lug.  So I made the
announcement of his new name.  However, my roommates, being set in their
ways as they are, had been calling him Chains for so long, the name Lugnut
just didn't stick.  Also, the ferret began having an identity crisis.  Am I
Chains?  Or am I Lugnut?  Who am I?!?!?  So I had to settle for a compromise
and he was duly named Mr. Lugnut Chains, which kinda became irrelevant in
his later years cuz everyone just called him Old Man.
 
So there you have it.  The mystery of that ferret with the weird name is
solved (not that it's the weirdest ferret name I've seen.  Easy-Off?) It
also explains why I'll never have kids.  The poor kid would be starting
high school before I named him.
 
May your ferrets be forever named,
Limejello & The Weezils of Doom
 
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder"
[Posted in FML issue 2448]