Hi FML!  This is Elizabeth, daughter of Bod C the bonehead.  Dad and a whole
bunch of you convinced me that the only way to keep dad in check was for me
to tattle on him once in a while.  So I suppose it is a public
responsibility and a cross I must bear.
 
Dad is staying at some friends house because when he got home and was moving
some stuff in his basement, he found some termites.  Dad was looking at some
old pictures he took as a photographer in order to make some pictures of
Cary Grant for a friend and discovered the bugs in his old contact sheets,
along the wall, and into the timbers.  He said something about it didn't
matter if they were eatting wood under the kitchen, or that they were right
underneath his favorite sleeping chair, but eating his pictures made him
mad, so he called in Orkin.  I never saw a guy in a robot suit, but dad says
one showed up.  Yeah, right dad.
 
Dad brought home four little baby ferrets this time and I have to say three
things.  The first thing is that they have really sharp teeth, but dad has
trained they to be gentle.  The second thing is, I think they poop more than
all the other ferrets combined, but dad says they eat more to maintian their
growth curve, so they have to poop more.  The last thing is they are so cute
the first two things don't matter.  Because almost all of dads ferrets are
from shelters, they are almost always the normal sable type or albinos.  Dad
has a few others, but nothing like what he brought home.  He brought home a
ferret that is completely black (not the mask) that he calls "Carbone" which
is Italian for coal.  I have never seen a black ferret before, and this guy
is the cutest thing in the entire world.  He looks just like a minature
black bear, if one had a tail that is, and is already a lap ferret.  He
LOVES people.  Dad also has a light tan or orange number he calls "Amber"
who is a cinnamon.  She is almost too cute to look at.  He has a black sable
named "Jet" because she streaks around the house like a jet plane and
because her fur is jet black.  And the last one is "Jezabel" a normal
colored sable that loves dad as much as Stella does, except she loves to
bite dad's lip.
 
When dad got home, he dumped all the babies in among the big group, and it
was really funny to see the babies chasing dads feet as he walked around,
with the rest of the ferrets following and sniffing the babies.  There where
hardly any fights and I think the only bad one came when Carbone was
sleeping on dad's lap when Stella came up to be petted.  She didn't like him
in her spot so bit and shook him hard.  That made Carbone mad or something
because before you know it they were running all over the room biting each
other.  Dad said Stella has never moved so fast in the last couple of years.
I think Stella won.
 
Dad is still getting lots of rumors forwarded to him.  One says he is still
with mom.  Maybe they should call mom before they say anything, she would
say different.  They are really good friends and they still do things
together like shopping and sometimes the movies, but dad doesn't live with
her, as if it is ANYONES business.  The persons saying so are a liar and
they better hope they never met me in person.  Another rumor is dad is lying
when he says he is working on his PhD because the department web page has
him listed under the master's program.  First, Dad is the master of double
majors, and as anyone can tell you, degrees are not awarded until everything
is done in both areas, and dad has had a very hard time with all his
surgeries.  Ask yourself this question.  Could you earn all of dads degrees
in the time he has earned them, all the while raising four kids, working
full time and being in pain all the time, requiring blood transfusions and
three major surgeries?  I know for a fact dad has been working on his PhD,
because I have been at his chairman's house when they were discussing it
over dinner.  Dad has been in Portland each summer for three years, and in
museums all this summer, and I can guarrantee it is not for anything but his
PhD.  This is a horrible rumor and it makes dad look like a lair and a cheat
and I for one will not put up with it.  Dad says the web page will be
changed by the end of the semester.  There are other rumors I will not
mention because they are so stupid and false.  All I can say is the people
spreading them need to get off the computer and get a real life with real
people.
 
Please FML people, when these things get forwarded to you, just send them
back with a note saying you don't read rumors, so send them to me.  Dad
won't do anything about them for the same reason he never sues anyone.
Something about a Quaker heritage and desire not to feed the sharks.  Dad
was raised to have nothing to do with people who hurt or threaten others, so
he just doesn't talk to them or see them.  I ask him why and he says he is
honoring his father and will do nothing.  So if you hear a rumor, just write
me and I will set the matter straight.
 
The next time I write, it will be under MY OWN ADDRESS!!!  That should prove
to you naysayers I am real!  Yesterday, dad took me to the school to buy my
books and see where all the buildings where.  At least six professors
stopped dad to talk to him, and dad introduced me with NICE words.  I was
shocked!  I couldn't tease him for nothing!  You wouldn't think I would be
shocked after spending more than $400 for books (I had to have 8 books on
Mark Twain alone!) but I was.  Today, dad takes me to the computing center
for my email address and stuff, after he teaches Andrew how to parallel
park, and then we will see my professors to see if they have the sylabus for
the classes ready.  I think he just likes showing me off, but he also did
this for Gloria and Josh.
 
Sorry dad for talking about the rumors, but I couldn't hold my tongue
anymore.  Can I still borrow the red car tomorrow?
 
Elizabeth, daughter of Bob C and Assistant Chief Pooper Picker Upper
[Posted in FML issue 2035]