Jeez, you weasels, we had a *great* time.  Readers who recall every single
thing they ever read on the FML may remember that I was hired by my mom last
fall to mastermind the completion of her MS thesis.  Well, it was hard work
climbing up on the desk many, many times a day to push papers around, and I
did have to take floppy disks to bed on occasion for safe-keeping (true
story), but it's all over now.  The worst was the night before the thesis
defense when I had to listen to her practice the same talk THREE TIMES IN
A ROW, and it didn't even have one word in it about ferrets (I got star
billing in the acknowledgements section, though).
 
Anyway, when it was all over, Mom loaded the whole pile of dogs and ferrets
into the camper and we went on a celebratory road trip to Seattle.  And
here's what we have to say about the show:
 
The show part was booooooring.  Ever been to a cat show?  Uh huh.  All these
gussied-up perty ferts with rhinestone collars being...held by judges.
That's it.  Seen one, seen 'em all, I say.  Like someone else already
mentioned, there were about a million signs warning you to not even think
about touching a fert.  The end.
 
Now for the good part.  To tell you the truth, we weasels were more
interested in the shopping aspect.  On the way to the show, one of use
grabbed the steering wheel and another stomped on the brakes right in front
of an ATM.  Pretty well cleaned out Mom's life savings.  Then we gave her a
shopping list and sent her into the show.  Like a personal shopper, y'know?
Here's what we got:
 
1) Fert sleeping bag.  Toasty warm, and absolutely crucial for crossing
   the Cascade Mountains on the trip home.
2) New hammock.  We went for this because it was actually being
   demonstrated by a live ferret you could even touch!  Oooh, scary.
3) Teeny, weeny, portable ferretone dispenser bottle.  We make Mom
   carry it everywhere we go now, just in case.
4) Some more harnesses.  We now have six different harness designs
   in our collection and consider ourselves to have quite sophisticated
   opinions on this subject.
5) Fert calendar.  We just love looking at such beautiful specimens
   of the animal kingdom, don't you?
 
The cool thing about the show was you could compare all these products for
yourself, instead of squinting at some fuzzy JPEG image or reading someone's
idea of marketing promo ("Ferrets love these!").  Believe it or not, people
who couldn't possibly clear more than a few hundred dollars a year on their
ferret merchandise flew all the way from the other coast just to set up
tables at this event.  More evidence that ferret people are truly crazy,
huh?
 
Well, enough of the show.  We headed out of the parking lot, hung a rosco,
and drove due west til we hit the ocean at a place called Dash Point State
Park.  Now we settled down for some serious ferrret ambassadorin'.  Seattle
was pretending it was spring last weekend, and the place was packed.  Here's
something about Seattle: everyone we met knew we was ferrets, and they all
said nice things about us.  Our favorite was a girl who told us her parents
had recently separated and the non-custody parent (so to speak) took the
ferret component of their family with him.  Meany!  She was so sad about it
that we threw caution to the winds and covered her face with ferret kisses,
eyelids and all.  For awhile there, Mom was afraid *she* was about to become
the custody parent.
 
Eventually, we was pretty wore out by all the excitement.  Good thing we got
that sleeping bag.  We let the dog ride shotgun for the trip home, and the
next thing we know Mom was waking us up back in Montana.  Oh my gosh!
Someone might have moved something while we were gone!  It took hours, but
we examined the entire house at warp speed (some duplication of effort was
involved).  So exciting!  Look, Dori, this carpet fiber is still in the
right place!  How about that one?  Uh huh, and so's this leaf I left under
the sofa last week!  Hey, our food bowls are still here!  Same cat!  Bed
looks okay!
 
At about this point, we predict BIG will jump in to cut us off, before we
detail every speck of dust in the house for you.  Suffice it to say that a
good time was had by all, and we hope a ferret show comes to your town soon
too (or "nearby", in the Western definition of the word).
 
-- Khaz "Where shall we go on our next road trip?"
   Dori "How about the moon?"
   Kobe "Don't you guys ever slow down?"
   Kim "I'm just the chaffeur"
[Posted in FML issue 1856]