Hi all,

My weekend didn't start the way I planned. Saturday morning - my son
called me downstairs. He was holding Ricky. Ricky had passed during
the night - in his sleep. I can't figure out why yet though. He was
adrenal - and recently diagnosed with Insuloma as well, but was getting
better - or so I thought. He was on pred - and had a tonin implant.
With the addition to pred - he started "fattening" back up - and he
seemed to be back on the road to recovery. I guess I was wrong. I was
more fortunate than most. He was diagnosed a year ago with adrenal
cancer - and wasn't supposed to make it as long as he did, so I guess
I should consider myself lucky. I got to say goodbye slowly, and had
time to rock him and love him. It was so unexpected though - him
passing when he was getting "better". Unexpected and it sucks very
badly. I wonder if he had an insuloma attack - and if he did, if I
had him upstairs with me, I could have brought him back out of it. I'll
probably kick myself for the rest of my life - wondering about that.

Ricky was my stoic "ninja turtle" boy, brother to Helena. He was always
so "steady", and calm. When my day would fall apart - I could always
count on coming home - to his quiet sincerity. I'm going to miss him so
much. Another piece of my heart was cut out - and will never recover. I
wish we still did the "Sandy" thing. That used to help so much, to hear
about how our kids would make it to the bridge, and how they'd get
their wings, etc. I pray that Ricky met up with his sister Helena - and
that he is in a much better place - and state of health now. I haven't
cried yet - I think I'm still in shock. I guess that will come soon
enough. Again - I was luckier than most. He died peacefully - in his
sleep and I had a chance to "get ready" for it. I had him for a full
year, after diagnosis. I realize alot of people out there don't get
that - so I should be thankful. It's just so hard to be thankful when
your heart is breaking. I looked around the kitchen this morning - at
all his meds, his treats, his little brush etc. And felt so empty.

Kim and her army of idiots, missing Ricky and Helena

Lord, help me to be grateful for what I have, and not greedy for what
I want.....

[Posted in FML 5935]