Hi all, My weekend didn't start the way I planned. Saturday morning - my son called me downstairs. He was holding Ricky. Ricky had passed during the night - in his sleep. I can't figure out why yet though. He was adrenal - and recently diagnosed with Insuloma as well, but was getting better - or so I thought. He was on pred - and had a tonin implant. With the addition to pred - he started "fattening" back up - and he seemed to be back on the road to recovery. I guess I was wrong. I was more fortunate than most. He was diagnosed a year ago with adrenal cancer - and wasn't supposed to make it as long as he did, so I guess I should consider myself lucky. I got to say goodbye slowly, and had time to rock him and love him. It was so unexpected though - him passing when he was getting "better". Unexpected and it sucks very badly. I wonder if he had an insuloma attack - and if he did, if I had him upstairs with me, I could have brought him back out of it. I'll probably kick myself for the rest of my life - wondering about that. Ricky was my stoic "ninja turtle" boy, brother to Helena. He was always so "steady", and calm. When my day would fall apart - I could always count on coming home - to his quiet sincerity. I'm going to miss him so much. Another piece of my heart was cut out - and will never recover. I wish we still did the "Sandy" thing. That used to help so much, to hear about how our kids would make it to the bridge, and how they'd get their wings, etc. I pray that Ricky met up with his sister Helena - and that he is in a much better place - and state of health now. I haven't cried yet - I think I'm still in shock. I guess that will come soon enough. Again - I was luckier than most. He died peacefully - in his sleep and I had a chance to "get ready" for it. I had him for a full year, after diagnosis. I realize alot of people out there don't get that - so I should be thankful. It's just so hard to be thankful when your heart is breaking. I looked around the kitchen this morning - at all his meds, his treats, his little brush etc. And felt so empty. Kim and her army of idiots, missing Ricky and Helena Lord, help me to be grateful for what I have, and not greedy for what I want..... [Posted in FML 5935]