Q: "When I first started reading your posts I thought you must spend a
lot of time writing thembut then I went and saw you talk at Atlanta and
it was clear you talk more than you write.  Do you know everything?
Don't you ever ask questions?"
 
A: Most of my questions involve liquid latex, fishnet stockings, and red
wigs.  I'm sorry; did I say that out loud?
 
Actually, I have more questions about ferrets than answers.  Here are my
top ten questions about ferrets:
 
10. Why do some ferrets lick the sides of the bowl when they are lapping
up a liquid?  They will take a few licks, then lick the sides of the
bowl, maybe the edge, and then back to the food.  Not all do it, but it
is a common observation.  I've hypothesized that it is because they are
trying to clean their tongue so they can taste or eat better, or that
the food flavor is too intense.
 
09. Why do some ferrets chew rubber?  Many ferrets chew rubber
opportunistically, but some have a real fetish for the stuff.  I've
hypothesized that it is "sulfur hunger," that it is chewy like cartilage,
that it is out of basic instinct, or that it is for the same reasons
people like to chew gum--they just like chewing.
 
08. Why do some ferrets want to give you a good nip?  Not the "lick,
lick, chomp" which I think is a simple grooming technique.  This is the
determined, perhaps fanatical desire to give someone a good nip on a
sweet spot or two.  I've hypothesized that they are trying to be
dominant, that perhaps they are just playing, or even that they will get
extra attention if they try (they certainly get my attention!).
 
07. Why do so many ferrets have gastritis?  I was unconvinced of this
until I visited Dierenkliniek "Brouwhuis" in the Netherlands and Dr.
Moorman-Roest took the time to show me how common it was.  I am a
died-in-the-wool skeptic, and in just two days, she was able to convince
me that gastritis and associated ulcers are far more common in ferrets
than generally diagnosed.  I've hypothesized that ferrets are more
susceptible to stress than realized, that the bacteria are being spread
from common litter boxes, and that the structure of the food being
consumed (kibble v. animal carcasses) plays a paramount role.
 
06. How many vocalizations do ferrets actually use?  Just when I think I
have all of them worked out, I hear something new that makes me stop and
try to figure out if it is a new sound, or just a modification of a
documented sound.  I've hypothesized that ferrets don't have many to
begin with, that ferrets learn some of their vocalizations from their
mother, so many pet ferrets, especially those that have been removed from
the mother early, have a limited vocabulary compared to what they could
have.
 
05. Why are ferrets so curious?  In the wild, curiosity kills small
mammals.  Even wild mammals with tremendous curiosity, such as genets,
small primates, or polecats, have an overriding built-in fear of new
things.  Dogs or cats even show hesitation at approaching novel objects,
but ferrets dash right in, showing no hesitation at all.  I've
hypothesized that ferrets have been bred to be non-fearful to hunt
better, that ferrets have been bred to be more curious, and even that
there is some degree of both.
 
04. Why do so many ferret veterinarians reject environmental causes of
disease, instead insisting the problem has to be due to "inbreeding" from
a small founding population?  Take Demography 101 and you will learn that
the population of ferrets in the USA and Canada are too large to have
been from a "small founding population." Take Genetics 101 and you will
learn that the population of ferrets was too large to allow a founder's
effect to shift gene frequencies.  Understand the history of ferrets and
you will realize ferreters in Europe used small populations of breeders
all the time, much smaller than used by the ferret farms.  The ferret is
an animal with a tremendously long evolutionary history that has resulted
in a very conservative natural history; they are extremely sensitive to
their environment.  I've hypothesized that some vets are afraid to say
they don't know, so blame everything they can't figure out on genetics,
that some vets are so programmed that they cannot think outside their box
of experience, and that some vets cannot admit when others are correct,
so just subsume what they cannot answer under the umbra of "inbreeding
problems."
 
03. Why do so many ferret skeletons display some degree of osteoporosis?
I have documented more that 500 pet ferret, New Zealand feral ferret, and
polecat skeletons, and I can say without a doubt that pet ferrets from
the USA and Canada have osteoporosis.  The older the ferret, the more
predominate the disease.  The disease is worse in female ferrets, but in
ferrets older than 5 or 6, the severity of the disease is about the same
in both genders.  I've hypothesized that it is due to the effects of
neutering, that cage inactivity plays an important role, and that ferret
foods are not supplying enough calcium or vitamin D, or both.
 
02. Who, where, what, why, when, and how were ferrets domesticated?
Well, it wasn't by the Egyptians in Egypt from polecats to control mice
about 5000 years ago through capture breeding.  I may not yet know who
did it, but one thing I can prove is who did not do it.  My current
hypothesis is that southern Europeans, including Greeks, Phoenicians,
Macedonians, and perhaps some contributions from the Spanish and French,
domesticated the ferret.  Domestication was Northern Mediterranean,
meaning there was no real center of domestication, and that it took place
throughout the northern Mediterranean region.  Both the European polecat
(Mustela putorius) and the steppe polecat (Mustela eversmannii) were used
to create the ferret, with pre-Roman domestication primarily with the
steppe polecat, and post-Roman domestication with the European polecat.
Domestication was primarily for mousing, and hunting burrowing animals
was of secondary importance (but not rabbits or rats, who were not there
at the time).  Domestication took place roughly about 2700 to 2500 years
ago, about the time northern Mediterranean peoples were developing grain
surpluses, that commerce had introduced them to Egyptian cats, and that
the Greeks and Macedonians were starting to dominate the Mediterranean.
Domestication was accomplished by breeding for tameness towards humans,
and body shape and size where not impacted; they simply wanted a tame
polecat that could kill mice and hunt hamsters and ground squirrels.
 
And my number one question?
 
01. Why do some people insist on dressing their ferrets up in silly
little costumes?  Hey, if clubs are going to allow it, at least insist
on judging by theme, such as "This year the costumes must have a Wizard
of Oz/Star Wars/Army of Darkness/B&W Horror Movie/Croc Hunter/CSI theme."
But a bride and groom?  Yeech!  Oh hell, I've thought of marriage, and I
am now covered in hives and can't breathe.
 
Bob C  [log in to unmask]
[Posted in FML issue 4728]