The day I thought would never come has arrived.  Our last little guy is
gone, and I can't believe it.  Freddy, who somehow outlived all the rest
of our ferrets, died on Saturday.  This is the 3rd ferret we've lost in
18 months (joining Scooter and Peanut).  He was over 7, which I know is
a long time for a ferret to live, but he had been doing really well for
awhile now.  Of course he had slowed down some and slept a lot, but
still, when I put him in a new environment or took him outside, he was
just as curious as ever and wanted to run around and explore- to me that
was a great sign that he still was a feisty and relatively active little
guy.
 
I guess he was fine early Saturday morning when my husband got up- he saw
him eating and kind of banging on his cage (which means he wants to get
up and out).  But a few hours later when I went to give him his pred and
get him up he was listless, wouldn't take any Ferretone or treats, and
was having trouble walking, so I knew something was wrong.  But we'd just
taken him to the vet a week ago and he was still doing really well.  I
spent most of the day alone with him at the vet's- a lot of that time
just waiting with him in a little room watching him and helpless to do
anything for him.  Both the ferret vets were at lunch when I got there
and I was so anxious- I don't know if they could've done anything for him
sooner, but it was agony waiting for 2 hours for one of them to get back
and watching him - he'd try to get up and move around but his head would
sink down to the ground and his eyes would kind of glaze over.  He just
didn't seem comfortable, but I was afraid to hold him (though I really
wanted to) because I didn't know if I would make it worse.  They tested
his blood sugar, which was fine, and could find nothing weird on
examination, so they decided to keep him for observation and so he could
have an IV with some fluids while we waited for blood test results.  They
had no idea what was wrong with him.  I left and bought him some food,
some treats and a little sleep sack at the nearest pet store.  I would
have bought him anything then if I thought it would help.  My husband
came and we took him out and held him with his little IV in his foot.
He looked awful- still out of it, and the letting us hold him so quietly
was not a good sign.  Ironically, we've always wanted to be able to hold
him (and our others) like that, but it has only been as they were sick or
dying that they finally didn't have the energy to squirm around and just
let us hold them.  We left him around 3:30pm and I felt bad because we
decided not to go back to visit later that night - the vet is about 20
miles away, and we weren't sure he'd even know we were there.  But we
were going to go there first thing in the morning.  Oh, I wish I would've
stayed there or gone back later so he would know I was there with him and
he wasn't alone.  The phone rang at 11:30pm and I knew that there was
only one reason the phone would ring that late on that night.  I couldn't
pick it up so I made my husband get it.  It was the vet, telling us he
was gone.  They said he was fine one minute when they checked on him and
then he just crashed.
 
They still don't know what happened to him.  He was old, but he had
seemed himself lately, nothing odd.  We often take our 2 dogs to the
little park next door to our house at night so they can run around.
Lately, I tried to take Freddy with us, too, so he could enjoy the grass
and outside air.  We took him last Thursday, and he didn't stop moving
the whole time.  He kept heading straight for the street and I couldn't
figure out why.  I kept picking him up and moving him away from the fence
and every time he just headed in the same direction.  I remember thinking
that I wanted him to enjoy being there because since he was old I didn't
know how many more park trips there would be.  But he seemed fine.  I'm
so glad that we took him just a few days ago.  I hope it meant something
to him.
 
My husband had Freddy before we even met - he was the first ferret he got
years ago, so he has been a permanent fixture in our lives for so long.
It kind of seemed like he'd be here forever with us.  My husband has been
cleaning up all the ferret stuff in the house, putting it away.  I don't
recognize the house without all the litter boxes and little things we had
around for them - especially in the corners of each room.  It all looks
so empty now, I hadn't realized how much space all the ferret stuff took
up.  I wish he hadn't put it away but I don't know if I could look at it
all, esp.  his cage.  When I woke up this morning it was gone and a dog
bed is in its place.  I felt a little tear in my heart to see that.  I
just wish we'd had a little more time to say goodbye, you know?  We went
to the vet's after Freddy died on Saturday night to hold him one last
time.  It's not the same, of course, but I couldn't think of him dying
there without us and not getting to say goodbye one last time.  It was so
hard to put him down and leave him there once I'd held him for awhile in
my arms.  We brought all of his food and anything else we could think of
to donate to them for the ferrets who have to stay overnight there at the
ICU.  His new little sleepsack I had just bought, which I'd put a label
on with his name- we left it there, too.  We don't need it anymore.
 
I don't think we'll be getting more ferrets right now, maybe not for a
long time, if ever.  While part of my world seems to have stopped, my
husband, as is typical, cried a little and then seems to have gone about
his life as usual.  I don't think it's going to be that easy for me...
I can't remember how I got through all the days following my ferrets'
deaths last year, especially Scooter.  It's like I don't know how to do
this again.  But I know I started here, so I'm starting here again and am
so grateful to have a place at least to send all these thoughts to, to
get them out.
 
thanks,
Jaime (missing Scooter, Peanut and Freddy)
[Posted in FML issue 4566]