Our scene opens in the Ferret Room of the Sargent-Colburn household.  It
is night, and everything is very still, and slow, as things are deep into
the night.  The refrigerator hums in the kitchen.  The hoomins snore
gently in their sleep.  The dog, the Noble Allis Chompers, has "weaseled"
her way into the hoomins bed (again), and snores softly along with them.
 
On the floor of the Ferret Room there is an open cage, full of fleece
sleepsacks and crotched blankies.  One of the sacks, a nice purple one
with black bats on it sent by an admirer, has two warm lumps in it.
One of them is Switch the Kit, the other is Hurricane Lily.  They lie
together in a comfortable tangle of legs and toes and tails, debating
the Petsmart thread on the FML.
 
Switch says "She's an alien, I'm telling you.  Jules HAS to be an alien.
Seventeen year old hoomins aren't capable of putting together rational
appeals like the one she sent to the FML about Petsmart yesterday.  How
stupid do these invaders from another world think we are, anyway?"
 
Lily says nothing, just rolls her eyes and snuggles down farther into the
soft.  She is very tired of this subject.
 
Switch continues,"Im telling you, it just isn't hoominly possible!
Teenaged hoomins are not rational beings!  They worry about things
like...like...phone minutes and hobs of their own kind.  They do NOT
write persuasive essays!  Just look at how the ADULT hoomins are doing
by comparison.  They are taking turns poofing on one another!"
 
"Heeeeeee," groans Lily.
 
Switch continues "Yeah, you say that now, but think about it.  What
better way to insert an alien into hoomin society than to pretend to be
a kit?  It's perfect!  Kits are non-threatening, nobody pays too much
attention to them as long as they aren't whining.  One alien disguised as
a kit could learn a lot about Earth!
 
She wouldn't have to support herself, the hoomins would feed her and
protect her, and never know they were being observed!"
 
"Hee-hee-hee HE!," interjects Lily.
 
"I will NOT give it a rest!  Jules is an alien! "
 
"......," says Lily, and rolls to show Switch her back.
 
"Quit ignoring me!  I know and you know that we ferrets are one of the
dominant life forms on Earth.  Every year, we've got more and more
hoomins doing our bidding, scooping our poop, feeding us treats, giving
us lives of untold luxury.  We are slowly and subtly enslaving the hoomin
race.  Well, Jules' species is the COMPETITION.  Posing as kits, her kind
can seed literally THOUSANDS of these aliens into the hoomin population,
where they compete with US for resources.  Just THINK of all the money
that hoomins spend on their kits!  DVD players, ipods, hundred dollar
sneakers, orthodontia, Prom nights, trips to the Mall!  Having a teenager
is just as stressful as having a ferret!  They are like BIG ferrets, with
drivers lisences!  There won't be any money left over to buy us tubes,
and nail clippers, and Ferretone, and tiny Mexican hats with elastic
chin-straps!"
 
Lily looks over her shoulder at Switch and says blandly "Heee-he hee
hee."
 
"I do NOT need Prozac!, snarls Switch.  "I'm telling you, that post from
Jules was a shot fired over our bow!  It was her kind putting us and the
FLO on notice.  We're going to have to FIGHT for the hoomins, if we want
to keep this sweet deal we have now."
 
Lily sighs deeply, and tries (once again) to change the subject.
"Hee-hee he heeee hee-hee."
 
Switch replies,"Yeah, I hate the little hats, too, but it beats working
for a living."
 
-END-
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 4706]