Our scene opens in the Ferret Room of the Sargent-Colburn household. It is night, and everything is very still, and slow, as things are deep into the night. The refrigerator hums in the kitchen. The hoomins snore gently in their sleep. The dog, the Noble Allis Chompers, has "weaseled" her way into the hoomins bed (again), and snores softly along with them. On the floor of the Ferret Room there is an open cage, full of fleece sleepsacks and crotched blankies. One of the sacks, a nice purple one with black bats on it sent by an admirer, has two warm lumps in it. One of them is Switch the Kit, the other is Hurricane Lily. They lie together in a comfortable tangle of legs and toes and tails, debating the Petsmart thread on the FML. Switch says "She's an alien, I'm telling you. Jules HAS to be an alien. Seventeen year old hoomins aren't capable of putting together rational appeals like the one she sent to the FML about Petsmart yesterday. How stupid do these invaders from another world think we are, anyway?" Lily says nothing, just rolls her eyes and snuggles down farther into the soft. She is very tired of this subject. Switch continues,"Im telling you, it just isn't hoominly possible! Teenaged hoomins are not rational beings! They worry about things like...like...phone minutes and hobs of their own kind. They do NOT write persuasive essays! Just look at how the ADULT hoomins are doing by comparison. They are taking turns poofing on one another!" "Heeeeeee," groans Lily. Switch continues "Yeah, you say that now, but think about it. What better way to insert an alien into hoomin society than to pretend to be a kit? It's perfect! Kits are non-threatening, nobody pays too much attention to them as long as they aren't whining. One alien disguised as a kit could learn a lot about Earth! She wouldn't have to support herself, the hoomins would feed her and protect her, and never know they were being observed!" "Hee-hee-hee HE!," interjects Lily. "I will NOT give it a rest! Jules is an alien! " "......," says Lily, and rolls to show Switch her back. "Quit ignoring me! I know and you know that we ferrets are one of the dominant life forms on Earth. Every year, we've got more and more hoomins doing our bidding, scooping our poop, feeding us treats, giving us lives of untold luxury. We are slowly and subtly enslaving the hoomin race. Well, Jules' species is the COMPETITION. Posing as kits, her kind can seed literally THOUSANDS of these aliens into the hoomin population, where they compete with US for resources. Just THINK of all the money that hoomins spend on their kits! DVD players, ipods, hundred dollar sneakers, orthodontia, Prom nights, trips to the Mall! Having a teenager is just as stressful as having a ferret! They are like BIG ferrets, with drivers lisences! There won't be any money left over to buy us tubes, and nail clippers, and Ferretone, and tiny Mexican hats with elastic chin-straps!" Lily looks over her shoulder at Switch and says blandly "Heee-he hee hee." "I do NOT need Prozac!, snarls Switch. "I'm telling you, that post from Jules was a shot fired over our bow! It was her kind putting us and the FLO on notice. We're going to have to FIGHT for the hoomins, if we want to keep this sweet deal we have now." Lily sighs deeply, and tries (once again) to change the subject. "Hee-hee he heeee hee-hee." Switch replies,"Yeah, I hate the little hats, too, but it beats working for a living." -END- Alexandra in MA [Posted in FML issue 4706]