It was a quiet evening.  The family was out shopping, leaving me to relax
and watch the evening news on TV.  The new anchor was droning on about
something or the other (I really wasn't paying much attention) when from
out in the kitchen came a loud whirring sound.  It took me a few seconds
to identify it as the electric can opener, then a few moments to go
through the logic check: 1) Can opener running; 2) No one home but me;
3) Something strange is going on since electric can openers typically
don't start up on their own.
 
I carefully approached the kitchen with no idea what I might find.  The
next few seconds passed in a blur.  Feet skittered on tile.  Small bodies
streaked every which way.  Then, everything stilled -- no movement, only
the sound of the can opener.
 
About this time my brain started processing what my eyes were seeing.
The top drawer of the kitchen cabinet was partially opened and two tiny
masked faces were peering out from over the drawer front.  To my right,
three tiny faces were looking up at me from under the china cabinet.  I
turned my attention to the counter top above the masked critters in the
drawer.  There lay, 'What??  Milk Bones???'
 
My eyes drifted up to the cookie jar where the Milk Bones normally
resided.  There it sat, with the lid sitting on top of a stack of phone
books.  Even from there I could see that the cookie jar was mostly empty.
Eyes back to the floor -- a few Milk Bones in front of the counter.
 
Finally, the whirring sound drilled through my brain.  There on the other
end of the counter top sat the can opener firmly wedged under a roll of
paper towel in the paper towel holder.  Next to that, behind the coffee
maker, was another masked face cautiously peeking around it.
 
At last, I could begin to piece together the mystery.  Three of my
ferrets, Bud, Mickey and Valentine opened the bottom drawer of the
cabinet and scaled the back of the drawers to the one on top.  Once
in the drawer, they turned over on their backs and "walked" the drawer
open.  From there it was an easy step to the counter top.  Meanwhile,
Simon, Garfunkel and Spook waited below.
 
The counter top trio had slid the lid of the cookie jar off on top of
the phone books where it landed without a sound.  They then proceeded to
take the Milk Bones out of the jar, one by one, and drop them to their
accomplices on the floor who quickly grabbed the loot and scurried back
and forth, stashing the treats under the china cabinet.  I found those
later.
 
"What went wrong?" you ask.  Bud apparently got bored and decided to
explore the rest of the counter top.  In the process, he shoved the can
opener under the roll of paper towels, which depressed the handle on the
can opener, which turned it on, which brought me into the kitchen, which
spoiled their almost perfect heist.
 
Ferrets are clever critters.
 
Dick B.
[Posted in FML issue 4513]