It was a quiet evening. The family was out shopping, leaving me to relax and watch the evening news on TV. The new anchor was droning on about something or the other (I really wasn't paying much attention) when from out in the kitchen came a loud whirring sound. It took me a few seconds to identify it as the electric can opener, then a few moments to go through the logic check: 1) Can opener running; 2) No one home but me; 3) Something strange is going on since electric can openers typically don't start up on their own. I carefully approached the kitchen with no idea what I might find. The next few seconds passed in a blur. Feet skittered on tile. Small bodies streaked every which way. Then, everything stilled -- no movement, only the sound of the can opener. About this time my brain started processing what my eyes were seeing. The top drawer of the kitchen cabinet was partially opened and two tiny masked faces were peering out from over the drawer front. To my right, three tiny faces were looking up at me from under the china cabinet. I turned my attention to the counter top above the masked critters in the drawer. There lay, 'What?? Milk Bones???' My eyes drifted up to the cookie jar where the Milk Bones normally resided. There it sat, with the lid sitting on top of a stack of phone books. Even from there I could see that the cookie jar was mostly empty. Eyes back to the floor -- a few Milk Bones in front of the counter. Finally, the whirring sound drilled through my brain. There on the other end of the counter top sat the can opener firmly wedged under a roll of paper towel in the paper towel holder. Next to that, behind the coffee maker, was another masked face cautiously peeking around it. At last, I could begin to piece together the mystery. Three of my ferrets, Bud, Mickey and Valentine opened the bottom drawer of the cabinet and scaled the back of the drawers to the one on top. Once in the drawer, they turned over on their backs and "walked" the drawer open. From there it was an easy step to the counter top. Meanwhile, Simon, Garfunkel and Spook waited below. The counter top trio had slid the lid of the cookie jar off on top of the phone books where it landed without a sound. They then proceeded to take the Milk Bones out of the jar, one by one, and drop them to their accomplices on the floor who quickly grabbed the loot and scurried back and forth, stashing the treats under the china cabinet. I found those later. "What went wrong?" you ask. Bud apparently got bored and decided to explore the rest of the counter top. In the process, he shoved the can opener under the roll of paper towels, which depressed the handle on the can opener, which turned it on, which brought me into the kitchen, which spoiled their almost perfect heist. Ferrets are clever critters. Dick B. [Posted in FML issue 4513]