Dear Ferret Folks-
 
It's late enough in the year that we have the baseboard heat running
in our house.  (It is 16 degrees F outside, curse and rot!)  Not
surprisingly, it is VERY dry here.  I have to water all the plants every
third day, or else Switch and Lily don't even want to un-pot them, they
are already dead, and what fun is that?  Where is the challenge?
 
I also have to keep filling the ladies' water bowl, just as often.  They
have a big pyrex casserole bowl on the floor of their room, and it
evaporates quickly when the baseboard heat is cranked.  I think it holds
about half a gallon full.
 
The other day my husband looked into the ferret room, just to check up on
the food and water situation.  We check often, as you might imagine.
 
There was plenty of kibble.
 
But there was a ferret in the water bowl.
 
The EMPTY water bowl.
 
My husband looked closer, because he was having trouble believing that he
was really seeing what I am about to describe to you.
 
It was Lily.  Lying on her back in the empty water bowl.  Her eyes were
closed.  Her head was lolling to the side.  Her paws were flipped over,
like a begging dog.  A dead one.
 
She was lying there, her whole body saying with every shallow breath "I'm
dyiiiiing!  I'm dyiiiiiiiiing over here!"
 
My husband just shook his head, it was the most ham-fisted, hackneyed
acting job that he had ever seen.  It was anything but subtle.  All she
needed were a few vultures wheeling in the air overhead.
 
He tipped her out of the bowl, and took it away to refill it.
 
In the 30 seconds that he was away, Lily made a miraculous recovery!  No
longer the weasel equivalent of a bleached cow skull sitting parched by
the side of the desert trail in a John Wayne western, she was positively
perky!
 
She very much enjoyed her cool drink of water when he put the bowl down
for her.  Did he get a thank you look for his trouble?  Heck, no.  This
girl thinks that she is a mink.  She might, *might*, have gone a full
hour without water.  Maybe, but only if Switch guzzled about six ounces
just for pure spite, and then waddled away like a hot water bottle to
sleep it off.
 
Heck, I sometimes go overnight without chocolate, but I don't make a
Hollywood production out of it.  You'd be amazed at how long I can go
without money!
 
I hereby nominate Lily for best supporting role in the Ferret Oscar
Awards.  Best death scene.  Worst director.
 
I am seriously considering about asking my dog, the noble Allis Chompers,
to explain to her majesty where SHE gets her water from.  It's always
cold and fresh, never runs out.  It's like a biiiiig white porcelain
fountain, just for dogs!  That would give miss mink something to think
about, next time she feels abused.
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 4351]