(Our scene opens in the snow covered driveway of Switch and Lily's
Massachusetts home.  There are seemingly thousands of tiny weasel
toe-prints in the snow, most of them circling a green and yellow 1966
John Deere Model 1020 tractor with a bulldozer blade in front.  We see a
pair of weasels struggling with an aerosol can of ether, mired deeply in
six inches of snow.  Their soft gray coats are all puffed up against the
cold.)
 
Switch,(standing up on her back feet facing Lily.  The aerosol can is on
the ground between them.) "I need you to push against the can with your
head while I drag the nozzle with my teeth.  We're not going to be able
to get this thing going without the starting fluid, not in this cold.
Ready?"
 
Lily, (dropping to all fours and pushing mightily against the bottom of
the can with her head while Switch drags the can forward from the other
end.) "HEE! (grunt) HEEEE!"
 
(The can moves forward three or four feet while the ladies struggle with
it.)
 
Switch, "I call a rest break!" (Both ladies stand up on their back feet
facing one another.)
 
Lily, "Heeeee!"
 
Switch, "I know this sucks, but here's the plan.  Once we get the can
over there I'll spray the ether into the carburetor while you war dance
on the starter.  Got it?"
 
Lily, "Hee-hee."
 
Switch, "Thank heavens the ground hasn't frozen yet!  We'll need a
good deep hole to bury this latest FML.  I hate these poofing wars.
Especially when they get personal.  We should get this Kim Fox hooman
to help us!  She has opposable thumbs!"
 
Lily, "HEE!  Hee-hee, hee-hee-hee?"
 
Switch, "Who can understand hoomans?  They should just bite one another
and get it over with.  Rest break's over.  Ready?"
 
Lily, "Hee-hee."
 
(As we leave the scene both ladies are once again struggling in the snow
with the can of ether.)
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts, sighing deeply
[Posted in FML issue 3989]