(Our scene opens upon a view of an empty cage, the barred door has been
jimmied open and the ferrets have escaped under cover of darkness....this
scene dissolves and opens upon a new one, in which we see two indistinct,
small figures in a garden bed.  The camera pans closer to reveal Switch
the Kit and Sabrina the Bat-Biter digging at the base of a large clump of
dasies in the moonlight.)
 
Scritch-scritch-scritch-dig-dig-dig
Scritch-scritch-scritch-dig-dig-dig
Scritch-scritch-scritch-dig-dig-dig
 
Switch the Kit stands up, puts one paw to the small of her aching back
and says "Aunt Sabrina, I'm tired and I want to go back to our hammie."
 
"I know, but this hole isn't deep enough yet Switch.  We need to bury a
good chunk of wednesday's FML.  Please keep digging, child.  Just pretend
the ground is a valuable wool carpet."
 
Switch bends back down to the task, and clouds of dirt, tiny bits of last
years leaves, and the occasional terrified beetle erupt from behind the
furiously digging ladies.
 
Finally Sabrina the Bat-Biter stands and says "This feels deep enough to
me.  Bring me the print-out of this mornings FML."
 
Switch burrows between the dasies and the monarda, and returns dragging a
sheaf of white paper in her mouth.  One corner of the paper is heavily
dimpled with fang holes and is wet with ferret spit.
 
Sabrina says "Give me the page about Morrison first."
 
"But isn't she our enemy, Aunt Sabrina?" said Switch, ruffling through
the pages with dirty paws.
 
"I'm quite a bit older than you, child.  Trust me when I say that she is
her own worst enemy."
 
What does it mean "Why doesn't someone just get out a gun and shoot the
bitch" Aunt Sabrina?
 
"Never you mind.  It's a hooman thing.  Not for ferrets.  I don't even
want to understand.  Put that page in the hole first and throw some dirt
on it."
 
Switch complies, then stands waist deep in the hole and says "Now what?"
 
"Find the Pages about PETCO where the two hooman ladies poofed on one
another."
 
"Put those in the hole too, Aunt Sabrina?"
 
"Yes."
 
"And throw some dirt on them, too?"
 
"Yes."
 
"But isn't PETCO our enemy?"
 
"In a way, but hooman poofs are worse than our cousin, the skunk's."
 
Switch sniffs, then grimaces to show her fangs, "You're right!  Their
anal glands must be really tired out!"
 
"Not tired enough, I'll wager", mutters Sabrina.  "There will probably be
more." "What is left child, read it for me, my eyes aren't what they used
to be."
 
"Well, there is something about 'stoatmeal'.."
 
"Keep that, that was a good one!"
 
"There is something about God and His promising not to destroy the world
with water anymore.."
 
"Whatever for when there are lawyers?"
 
"I don't understand."
 
"Never mind.  Save those pages."
 
"You are really deep sometimes, Aunt Sabrina.  I never think about guns
and poofs and God and stuff."
 
"It's because I'm a Zen's ferret.  I can't help it." "Now we may need a
hole for thursday's FML as well.."
 
"But Aunt Sabrina!"
 
"Never mind the time!  Just keep digging."
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
cringing from all the spite
[Posted in FML issue 3854]