It would be a shame to let this whole Verizon ferret commercial fiasco go
by without trying to turn it into something good.  Verizon wants to make
a good name for itself, and ferret owners want to educate the public and
lawmakers about the true nature of their pets.  Those two goals are not
incompatible.  Here is my letter to Verizon:
 
 --------------
 
Verizon Wireless
Greg A. Klimek - President
15505 Sand Canyon Avenue, E2
Irvine, CA  92618
 
Dear Mr. Klimek:
 
I know that by now you have received a number of comments regarding the
Verizon Wireless ferret commercial in which a domesticated ferret latches
on to the tongue of its owner.  I am sure that you are beginning to get
a sense of the everyday prejudice faced by ferret owners, in the form of
both derogatory comments and outright bans on ferret ownership.  Instead
of simply asking you to pull the commercial to reduce the amount of
damage done, I would like to suggest a positive course of action that
could gain some wonderful publicity for your company and greatly help the
plight of ferret owners.
 
First, let me give you some background.  In California, the domesticated
ferret is classified as a wild animal by the Department of Fish and Game,
and is therefore illegal to own as a pet.  The hypothetical scenario put
forth by the DF&G is that domestic ferrets could escape from their homes,
start breeding in the wild, and form feral colonies that would damage the
native ecosystem.  This series of events seems pretty unlikely in light
of the fact that the vast majority of ferrets are spayed or neutered,
that the unfortunate few who do manage to slip out of the house rarely
survive more than a few days on their own, and that there has never
been a feral colony of domesticated ferrets anywhere in the country.
Nevertheless, the story is frightening enough to sway a number of
California legislators against supporting legalization.  The one thing
that would really help ferret owners make their case would be to conduct
an Environmental Impact Study (estimated to cost between one hundred and
two hundred thousand dollars).
 
Californians for Ferret Legalization is a group that has done an amazing
job of educating lawmakers and the public about the true nature of
ferrets.  This organization has helped introduce several bills to the
California legislature.  Unfortunately, CFL runs on a shoestring budget
and there is no way they could come up with the money to conduct the
Environmental Impact Study which now seems to be so vital to their cause.
 
I would like to offer you the opportunity to help by donating funds to
pay for an Environmental Impact Study.  In return, you would win the
loyalty of hundreds of thousands of California ferret enthusiasts, as
well as millions of pet owners across the country.  The effects of a
commercial can only last for so long, but an act of generosity allowing
a whole section of the population to enjoy their cherished pets in peace
will be long remembered and rewarded.
 
If you would like more information about Californians for Ferret
Legalization and the history of legislative efforts, you can visit their
website at www.ferretnews.org.  If you would like any other information
about ferrets and their antics, feel free to write to me or call me at
******, and I can point you to the right sources.  Thank you so much for
considering this suggestion.  I greatly appreciate any support that you
can provide.
 
Sincerely,
*****
 
[JE]
[Posted in FML issue 3875]