[Moderator's note: Advisory: Somewhat "off-color". BIG] Georgia has suggested incorporating a mouse eating contest at the next Frettchen fest - Wow! As an olympic event, let's see, we'd have to be able to measure each ferret's accomplishment, like at a pie-eating contest. Could we set it up by giving the ferret a time allotment of 1 minute and count then the percentage of the mouse consumed? Or, possibly the total number of mice eaten? To be fair to all ferret contestants, should the ferret be required to start at the head or at the other end? If the ferret started at the tail end would the owner likely be grossed out at her kissingest ferret? Yeach! I don't no more want any kisses from you my little lady! Obviously one would schedule the ferret kissing contest BEFORE the mice eating contest, don't you think? Then, too, there's the consideration of the state of the mouse. Should it be kaputt (that's dead for you people in Rio Linda [as Rush Limbaugh says] and tethered to an angled stick by a piece of fishing line so that it sways in the wind just a couple of inches above the grass? Or, to be a little more sporting about it, should the living mouse be tethered into a really, really tiny figure-8 harness by a string looped over a post sticking up out of the ground such that the ferret would have to chase it round and round to catch it? Hey now, that's a neat idea: the ferret would be timed for how long it took to run the mouse down and kill it. Oh yes, I can visualise it all now just as clear as sitting on an upturned icicle; the Certificate of Ferret Merit would read: [Ferret's Name] the Fastest Mouse Killer in the West at exactly 8.826 seconds! To be sure, the local TV station would show this ferret frenzy at the end of the 6-o'clock news and bring to the good people of Seattle the most heart-warming image of the ferret one could possibly have ... nooo? Hmmm. 'Don't know Georgia if this is a winner type event. Maybe sometime in the future we could try it after we see just how the people of Seattle would welcome the ferret trolling contest. This is a very flashy (fishy) contest where we use the ferret tied to the end of a fishing line and trolled in the water as bait for dogfish sharks. Once that ominous dorsal fin appears knifing through the water behind that ferret, you'd be outright amazed to see just how fast that little wet ferret can swim! Keep the ideas coming folks. I need all the help I can get, especially since my wife hid my viagra pills. Edward Lipinski, Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer und Kamerad des Frettchens. [G.] The ferret frolics leader and a comrade to the ferret. [Posted in FML issue 2554]